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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Small businesses are disappearing and being replaced by large multinational companies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, there are a variety of large multinational
companies
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 which are appearing and starting
increasing
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to increase
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 in many countries, leading to help countries to develop.
Therefore
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, the development of small traders
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 gradually limited and being replaced by large corporations.
This
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 essay will discuss both
benefits
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the benefits
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 and drawbacks of that problem and
then
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 state my viewpoint.
To begin
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 with, there are many positive aspects of
this
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 change
,
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apply
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 when the large multinational
companies
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 are increasing which can interconnect with other countries to create more
resouces
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resources
,
as a
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result
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result,
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 the economy will flourish significantly.
Moreover
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,
the
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apply
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international firms could provide customers not only a number of
high quality
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high-quality
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 products
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 a hike in
the
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apply
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prices, compared to small businesses.
In addition
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, it is a big chance for people to have
well paid
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well-paid
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 jobs,
hence
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 their incomes will increase and be able to raise their family, leading to
their
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a
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 good living standard. As a matter of fact, in Vietnam, in the past, children used to buy goods in small stores but now, they tend to shop at well-known retail chains and have a diversity of choices and save time.
On the other hand
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, since the local brands are displaced by large corporations, the unemployment rate has greatly increased.
As a result
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, it will generate competition for businesses, so people have to seek jobs in other places.
This
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 causes the economy to depend on foreign
companies
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 and a financial burden on individuals.
For example
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, recently, most people
prefer
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have preferred
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 to choose global brands over local brands to buy their clothes, so they have to spend an excessive amount of money for the same product with only a different brand name.
This
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 would lead to a breakthrough in the economy. In conclusion,
although
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 the appearance of large multinational
companies
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 can bring a number of benefits, in my opinion, I consider that the drawbacks outweigh the advantages.
This
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 situation might cause small businesses to go bankrupt and lead to economic deterioration.

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Overall Writing
Work on making your points more concise to improve clarity and keep the essay within the word limit. Avoid overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that main idea. Occasionally, your paragraphs drift slightly off-topic.
Task Achievement
Provide a balanced view with more detailed disadvantages and advantages of large multinational companies. This can help strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
Task Achievement
You included relevant and specific examples, such as the reference to Vietnam, which adds depth to your argument.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented are comprehensive and cover both the advantages and disadvantages of the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Multinational companies (MNCs)
  • Economies of scale
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Market saturation
  • Local enterprise
  • Corporate monopoly
  • Globalization
  • Grassroots
  • Economic revitalization
  • Consumer choice
  • Cultural diversity
  • Socio-economic impact
  • Market dynamics
  • Corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • Environmental stewardship
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