IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many
people
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 believe that jails are not the only solution for
offenders
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 to get away from criminal
activities
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. They think they should be offered
for
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apply
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education
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 and livelihood exercise by the authorities.
Although
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 it is necessary to give punishment;
however
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, I completely agree with their statement.
To begin
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 with,
education
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 is a process by which it is possible to change the moral behaviour of the
people
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. If any person does not have good morality, he/she will surely engage in
activities
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, which is regarded as a
crime
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 in society.
For example
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, research was conducted in 2022 at different charlands of Bangladesh by Dhaka University, where 67
percent
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per cent
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 of
people
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 did not know how to read or write. They found that there was a positive strong correlation (R-value = 0.87) between illiteracy and unethical
work
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.
Moreover
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, they saw 82 per cent of
people
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 who were in jail for criminal
activities
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 engaged themselves again in a
crime
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. So, we can say that it is necessary to enlighten their mind through proper
education
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.
On the other hand
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, it is obviously a good idea to create
work
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 fields via training to generate income for the
offenders
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. It will not only help them to make money but
also
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 help them to move their thinking from criminal
activities
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 to
work
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.
For instance
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,
according to
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 International Court of Justice (ICA) research, published in a renowned Q1 journal, if they are given to do
work
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, 98 per cent of
offenders
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 do not have any time to think about
crime
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.
As a result
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, it is very much necessary to develop their skills and engage themselves in
work
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;
thus
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, it will not only enable them to leave
crime
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 but
also
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 to be a wealthy person.
To conclude
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, prison punishment is necessary for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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offenders
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;
nevertheless
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, proper
education
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 and perfect training are
also
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 required to eradicate unethical
activities
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 from modern society. It will help them to boost the criminal's economy
as well as
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 their mental mind.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear and logical progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
Clarify some of the ideas presented, particularly in the body paragraphs. Simplifying complex thoughts can make the essay more comprehensible.
Task Achievement
Consider diversifying the range of examples used to support your points. While the examples provided are relevant, adding variety can enhance the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states the essay's position on the topic and captures the reader's attention right away.
Task Achievement
You have effectively included relevant and specific examples to support your points, drawing on research studies.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your stance on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • reintegration
  • rehabilitation
  • punitive measures
  • mindset
  • behavioral change
  • workforce preparation
  • prospects
  • reoffending
  • employment opportunities
  • socioeconomic
  • low-risk offenders
  • serious offenders
  • balance
  • productive members of society
  • economic burden
  • public safety
  • offender rehabilitation
  • transformative programs
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