Some people prefer to stay in the same job for same company, but other prefer to change job frequently.You should use specific reason to compare the advantages and disadvantages of both sides.

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After graduation from
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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school, working as an employee will be most
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's destination. Some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

think that they should stay in an organization permanently and make their contribution to the
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, others believe that changing
working
Correct article usage
the working

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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environment will be an alternative.
One
Correct your spelling
On

The word One doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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the one hand, There must be many reasons that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

start changing their careers frequently. First of all, in order to increase the wages, workers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

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intend to constantly switch their
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces

The word work places seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, their living quality will be improved because of the raise of the salaries.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

believe that switching to
other
Change the wording
another

The adjective other appears to be modifying the singular noun workforce. Consider making a change.

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workforce could make them
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt

The word adapt doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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fresh managerial skills and
know how
Add a hyphen
know-how

It appears that know how is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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emloyees
Correct your spelling
employees

If you don’t want emloyees to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

work in different
workplace
Fix the agreement mistake
workplaces

It seems that workplace may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, working in one
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides

It seems that the verb provide does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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someone
a
Add the preposition
with a

It appears that you are missing a preposition with the verb provide. Consider adding the preposition.

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sense of responsibility. There is a high chance to be promoted in an organization if you are working
a
Change preposition
as a

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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hard-working person.
Eventually
Add a comma
Eventually,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Eventually. Consider adding a comma.

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you will be a reliable person to be trusted in that
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and get a decent promotion as well.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, most of the senior managers were nobody at the beginning, after several years
experience
Change preposition
of experience

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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, they will be
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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managerial roles because they are familiar with all
different
Correct article usage
the different

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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types of jobs in the
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if you are not satisfied with
current
Correct pronoun usage
your current

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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employment, changing a job would be an option for you.
Submitted by canondu0828 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and outlines the main points that will be discussed.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to support each argument. For instance, give a real-life example of someone who benefited from switching jobs or someone who saw career growth by staying in the same company.
introduction conclusion present
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay and restating your stance clearly.
logical structure
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of ideas. Use connectors like 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' and 'However' effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Check for grammatical inaccuracies, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. For instance, 'people are intend to' should be 'people intend to', and 'managerial roles' should be 'managerial positions'.
complete response
The essay addresses both perspectives and provides reasons for each stance, showing a balanced view.
clear comprehensive ideas
The choice of vocabulary is appropriate for an academic essay, with terms like 'increase the wages' and 'sense of responsibility'.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a conclusion that ties back to the main discussion, although it can be strengthened.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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