Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local custom and codes of behavior. Do you agree or disagree ?
Recently, lots of
people
from around the world have moved to other countries due to
working studying
. Personal Correct word choice
and studying
behavior
, perspective and Change the spelling
behaviour
culture
from their own country are the most important for living abroad. Some people
think that immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local custom
and codes of Fix the agreement mistake
customs
behavior
. In my opinion, I tend to agree with Change the spelling
behaviour
this
statement since it will be easier if prople
can Correct your spelling
people
adape
themselves Correct your spelling
adapt
for
Change preposition
to
different
Add an article
a different
culture
, Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
also
allow them Correct word choice
and also
open
more Fix the infinitive
to open
oppotunities
in aboard.
Correct your spelling
opportunities
Although
,
some Remove the comma
apply
people
believe that immigrants should abandone
their Correct your spelling
abandon
behavior
, some good Change the spelling
behaviour
behavior
should be used Change the spelling
behaviour
continuely
as it is good for other Correct your spelling
continually
continuously
people
and new
community. Correct article usage
the new
For example
in Thailand, everyone have
to take off their shoes before Change the verb form
has
get
in the house as they believe that good for hygiene, Change the verb form
getting
also
it
will keep Correct pronoun usage
apply
house
Correct article usage
the house
cleaning
Replace the word
clean
from
dirty things. Change preposition
of
Thus
, some good behavior
should not Change the spelling
behaviour
using
it.
Certainly, every Change the verb form
use
be using
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
their
own Correct pronoun usage
its
culture
which is hard for some people
whom
not Correct pronoun usage
who
grow
up Wrong verb form
grown
int
the area. Correct your spelling
in
However
, it is hard to fit in
Change preposition
into
new
Add an article
a new
culture
and get along with
local people
but if they try to put themselves in the new community, it will open more oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
centainly
. Correct your spelling
certainly
For instance
, local people
will accept them and they can be a part of community
and Add an article
the community
a community
more enjoyable
with new world.
Correct word choice
enjoy
To sum up
, Some people
think that immigrants should abandon their own behavior
since they should adapt themselves Change the spelling
behaviour
for
Change preposition
to
new
country that they will live in. Add an article
a new
the new
In contrast
, some good behavior
shoud
not abandon.Correct your spelling
should
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general
Work on grammatical accuracy and vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and avoid confusion.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph effectively supports your main argument. Your second body paragraph, for instance, could present additional points on the benefits of adopting local customs more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay more logically. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure each one elaborates on the point coherently.
task achievement
Address counterarguments or consider multiple perspectives to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you use linking words and cohesive devices properly to help your essay flow smoothly.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic and make an attempt to support it with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a complete feel.