IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Choose a country or region and explain how it has been affected by its history and geography?

Japan
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 is famous for its rich
culture
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 and technological advancements.
But
Correct word choice
However
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according to
Linking Words
 Clavecilla (2023), the country faces significant challenges
such
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 as “limited land area compared to its population” and
“prone
Add a missing verb
being “prone
show examples
 to earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanic activity”.
In
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addition
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,
Japan
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 has suffered from occupation and war for hundreds of years. The disadvantages of nature and the
culture
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 formed over a long period of time have shaped the social development of
Japan
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, training the
Japanese
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people
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 to be resilient, adaptable, and strong, and possessing more admirable qualities.
Japan
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, an archipelago located in East Asia, has limited land area and frequent natural disasters, causing significant difficulties that mainland
countries
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 can hardly imagine.
First,
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Japan
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's geography is mainly islands, with a small land area and a large population, so they have to make good use of available resources. They find ways to constantly adapt, living with frequent natural disasters.
Instead
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 of building permanent houses to live in like other
countries
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,
people
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 here build temporary houses that can be easily rebuilt and dismantled to easily overcome the consequences of natural disasters. They
also
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 install many earthquake and tsunami sensor systems to help
people
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 prepare in time, minimizing damage to
people
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 and property.
This
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 adaptation demonstrates the resilience and flexibility of the
Japanese
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 in dealing with harsh circumstances.
In
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addition
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,
Japan
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 takes advantage of marine resources, providing food,
as well as
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 exchanging goods with other
countries
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 to develop the economy.
In
Change preposition
According to
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 Bester (2014), "In the early 20th century, seafood products became increasingly important commodities to generate foreign currency". Seafood has become a staple food for humans and has created a unique and famous cuisine that no other country has. The ability to turn geographical challenges into opportunities shows the creativity and adaptability of the
Japanese
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people
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. The integration of cultures from other
countries
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 and maintaining core values for more than 500 years has made the current
Japanese
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culture
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 famous for its diversity and uniqueness.
Japan
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 has been influenced by many cultures from China, Korea, and Western
countries
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due to
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 many wars and colonizations throughout its history but has still retained its core values.
According to
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 Jensen (2022), “Foreign
countries
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, most notably China, have influenced them for a long time.
Japan
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 has assimilated the ideals of other
countries
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 without losing its core values”.
This
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 blend has made
Japanese
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culture
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 rich and diverse. Some of
Japan
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's famous cultural forms include tea ceremony, calligraphy, and traditional costumes that are somewhat similar to those of China and Korea.
In
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addition
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 to the two alphabets Hiragana and Katakana,
Japan
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also
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 has a third alphabet, Kanji, borrowed from Chinese. You can see some similarities but not all are the same, as there is a blend of cultures and the creation of unique features. The ability to preserve and develop
culture
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 in the face of many external influences shows the perseverance and appreciation of
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
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 values of the
Japanese
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people
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.
In
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addition
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, the absorption of
culture
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 everywhere
also
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 helps
Japan
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 become famous for its civilized and historical society. The
people
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's good compliance and discipline with social rules and strict working style have helped their economy develop significantly compared to many other
countries
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. Through hundreds of histories and many obstacles,
Japan
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 still retains its own unique features.

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction by providing a clearer thesis statement that sets up the structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use transition phrases more effectively to smoothen the flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
Clear and well-detailed analysis of how Japan's history and geography have affected its society.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples and references to support main points.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized structure, making it easy to follow the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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