IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that limited access to water is a critical issue that governments must solve for their citizens. Others, however, think that it is a problem that individual people can solve with technology. Which perspective do you agree with, and why?

#people #access #water #governments #citizens #technology #perspective
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Some
people
Use synonyms
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that the authorities should find
out
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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ways to solve the
problem
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
water
Change preposition
of water
show examples
accessible
Replace the word
accessibility
show examples
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
someone
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
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 that individual
people
Use synonyms
 can solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 by using modern technology. Both
argurements
Correct your spelling
arguments
 have true reasons, but in my opinion, I am on the side
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct article usage
the later
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later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
. The governments could find out the best ways to solve the
water
Use synonyms
accessible
Replace the word
accessibility
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 suitable for
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the country. They can provide extra clean
water
Use synonyms
,
increase
Correct word choice
and increase
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 source
water
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 for residents 'demands.
This
Linking Words
 way can reduce the situation that
people
Use synonyms
 are restricted
use
Use synonyms
water
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.
Besides
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, the authorities could buy machines from modern
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
such
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 as
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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 to handle dirty
water
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
. The factories that provide
water
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 to citizens
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 have more
water
Use synonyms
 sources.
However
Linking Words
, the process of
method
Add an article
the method
show examples
 above takes at least one year to
use
Use synonyms
, not instantly. In spite of
waiting
Add the preposition
waiting for
show examples
 the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
Fix the infinitive
to supports
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supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
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demand
Correct article usage
the demand
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life
Change preposition
for life
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, individual
people
Use synonyms
 proactively buy technology to solve their
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they can
use
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water
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 from rain,
then
Linking Words
 buy machines like
brand
Correct article usage
the brand
show examples
 Kangaroo to handle. Indeed, It is a good way to have
water
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 to drink or cook, a wonderful method from
people
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 in the past.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
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 collect
water
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 from
river
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rivers
show examples
 and
pool
Fix the agreement mistake
pools
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,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
Add a missing verb
being handle
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handle
Replace the word
handled
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 by technology, it can
be
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be used
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 in basic activities
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
Add an article
a shower
the shower
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shower
Wrong verb form
showering
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. In short,
people
Use synonyms
 can
proactive
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
have
water
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
, absent
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 limited access to
water
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can find the best key to help their citizens
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it
spends
Verb problem
takes
show examples
 too long time before
people
Use synonyms
 have enough
water
Use synonyms
 demand. So
people
Use synonyms
 can solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
: fast and convenient.
Submitted by Andy on

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coherence
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and transitions smoothly to the next. You can use linking words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'on the other hand' to make your writing flow better.
task achievement
Pay attention to task achievement by ensuring your ideas are fully developed and supported with relevant examples. For instance, you could explain more about how individual technologies can solve water problems on a larger scale.
general
You might want to proofread your work for spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors to make your writing clearer and more professional.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of introducing both perspectives and making a stand on the issue.
coherence
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, helping to frame your argument well.
task achievement
You have mentioned specific solutions like water machines and collecting rainwater, which shows you have thought about practical applications.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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