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Band 4.5

Some people believe that limited access to water is a critical issue that governments must solve for their citizens. Others, however, think that it is a problem that individual people can solve with technology. Which perspective do you agree with, and why?

#people #access #water #governments #citizens #technology #perspective
Some
people
argues
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argue
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 that the authorities should find
out
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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ways to solve the
problem
water
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of water
show examples
accessible
Replace the word
accessibility
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.
On the contrary
,
someone
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
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 that individual
people
 can solve
this
problem
 by using modern technology. Both
argurements
Correct your spelling
arguments
 have true reasons, but in my opinion, I am on the side
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct article usage
the later
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later
Correct your spelling
latter
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. The governments could find out the best ways to solve the
water
accessible
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accessibility
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problem
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 suitable for
over
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apply
show examples
the country. They can provide extra clean
water
,
increase
Correct word choice
and increase
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 source
water
 for residents 'demands.
This
 way can reduce the situation that
people
 are restricted
use
water
.
Besides
, the authorities could buy machines from modern
country
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countries
show examples
such
 as
japan
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Japan
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 to handle dirty
water
source
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sources
show examples
. The factories that provide
water
 to citizens
,
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apply
show examples
 have more
water
 sources.
However
, the process of
method
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the method
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 above takes at least one year to
use
, not instantly. In spite of
waiting
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waiting for
show examples
 the
governments
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government
show examples
Fix the infinitive
to supports
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supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
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demand
Correct article usage
the demand
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life
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for life
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, individual
people
 proactively buy technology to solve their
problem
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problems
show examples
.
Firstly
, they can
use
water
 from rain,
then
 buy machines like
brand
Correct article usage
the brand
show examples
 Kangaroo to handle. Indeed, It is a good way to have
water
 to drink or cook, a wonderful method from
people
 in the past.
In addition
,
people
 collect
water
 from
river
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rivers
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 and
pool
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pools
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,
after
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and after
show examples
Add a missing verb
being handle
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handle
Replace the word
handled
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 by technology, it can
be
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be used
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use
 in basic activities
as
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such as
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Add an article
a shower
the shower
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shower
Wrong verb form
showering
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. In short,
people
 can
proactive
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apply
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have
water
source
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sources
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, absent
from
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of
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 limited access to
water
.
Although
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can find the best key to help their citizens
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it
spends
Verb problem
takes
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 too long time before
people
 have enough
water
 demand. So
people
 can solve
this
problem
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
: fast and convenient.
Submitted by Andy on

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coherence
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and transitions smoothly to the next. You can use linking words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'on the other hand' to make your writing flow better.
task achievement
Pay attention to task achievement by ensuring your ideas are fully developed and supported with relevant examples. For instance, you could explain more about how individual technologies can solve water problems on a larger scale.
general
You might want to proofread your work for spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors to make your writing clearer and more professional.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of introducing both perspectives and making a stand on the issue.
coherence
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, helping to frame your argument well.
task achievement
You have mentioned specific solutions like water machines and collecting rainwater, which shows you have thought about practical applications.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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