IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some people are smoke knowing that it is harmful to the lungs and other organs, but they keep doing it.

#people #smoke #lungs #organs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
smoke
Use synonyms
 knowing that it is harmful to the lungs and other organs, but they keep doing it. It is undeniable that smoking can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative
affect
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 and health become an essential part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will look at what
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the main causes of
people
Use synonyms
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 to
smoke
Use synonyms
,
examine
Correct word choice
and examine
show examples
 factors responsible for reek termination. One of the main causes
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pull on some
people
Use synonyms
 say that they are they’ll try it only once and quit, but many
people
Use synonyms
 said so and now they can’t get out of the habit, because
cigarettes
Use synonyms
 contain substances that attract
people
Use synonyms
 to it. It is a result of some invite each other to try smoking together. Another major cause is the addiction to
nicotine
Use synonyms
, which is present in
cigarettes
Use synonyms
.
Nicotine
Use synonyms
 creates a physical dependency, making it difficult for
people
Use synonyms
 to quit smoking even if they want to.
This
Linking Words
 process is reinforced by the ritualistic and social aspects of smoking, which make the habit particularly hard to break. As
people
Use synonyms
smoke
Use synonyms
 regularly, their brains get used to
nicotine
Use synonyms
 and need more of it to feel the same way.
This
Linking Words
 makes quitting hard, even if they want to. When they try to stop, they might feel irritable,
anxious
Correct word choice
and anxious
show examples
, and crave
cigarettes
Use synonyms
 a lot, which makes them want to
smoke
Use synonyms
 again. Having considered everything mentioned, we can conclude that the addictive nature of
nicotine
Use synonyms
 in
cigarettes
Use synonyms
 makes it hard for
people
Use synonyms
 to quit. As they continue smoking, their bodies get used to
nicotine
Use synonyms
, needing more to feel the same effect. When they try to stop, they feel irritable,
anxious
Correct word choice
and anxious
show examples
, and crave
cigarettes
Use synonyms
, which makes quitting tough.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay touches on the main causes of smoking and mentions the difficulty people face in quitting the habit. However, it lacks depth in exploring these points. Adding more content on psychological and social factors that contribute to smoking habits could provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between the points are present but can be improved for better flow. Make sure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next to maintain a logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the clarity of the essay. Pay attention to sentence structure and use more varied sentence types to enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the essay well.
task achievement
The main points about nicotine addiction and the habit-forming nature of smoking are properly highlighted.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: