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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
#diagrams #show #stages #equipment #cement- #process #cement #purposes
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Two diagrams illustrate the process of
cement
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 and concrete
production
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be inferred that in total, there are four different stages in the
production
Use synonyms
 of
cement
Use synonyms
 and concrete, starting from crushing limestone and clay in
cement
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 and ending with mixing the raw materials in concrete
production
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, two main ingredients in
cement
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
, which are limestone and clay, are crushed until
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
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powder
Use synonyms
 in a machine called
“crusher”
Correct article usage
a “crusher”
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. The
powder
Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Add a missing verb
is then
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 mixed in the mixer to blend them
altogether
Rephrase
together
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. Afterwards, the mixed
powder
Use synonyms
 enters the rotating heater, which is shaped like a tube, with flames used to heat them in the below surface. Once it is all heated, the hot
powder
Use synonyms
 is grounded in a grinder machine until it forms
into
Change preposition
apply
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a superfine
powder
Use synonyms
, called “
cement
Use synonyms
”. The readily-used
cement
Use synonyms
 is
then
Linking Words
 packed into bags, usually made of a strong type of paper or plastic.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the process of concrete
production
Use synonyms
 begins. The proportion of all raw materials needed for making concrete
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 50% small stones,
also
Linking Words
 known as “gravel”, 25% sand, 15% of
cement
Use synonyms
, and 10% water.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the final stage, all those materials are placed into a machine called
“concrete
Correct article usage
a “concrete
show examples
 mixer” until they are all mixed well and the concrete is ready to be used.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement, production, powder with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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