The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Healthcare is one of the most important
topic
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topics
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that everyone always
pay
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pays
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attention
, especially
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to, especially
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some scientists
use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
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their knowledge to create medicine or some solutions for
Use synonyms
people
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people's
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lives. Some
people
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think that the most essential goal of
science
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ought to be
improve
Fix the infinitive
to improve
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Use synonyms
people’s
Use synonyms
health. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
since
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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can help more
people
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to live so the population will increase
help
Correct word choice
and help
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society
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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more
worker
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workers
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the amount of
Use synonyms
vaccine
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vaccines
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or more new
solution
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solutions
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to deal with diseases can be
find out
Wrong verb form
found
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faster.
Firstly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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not need to take
to
Correct your spelling
too
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much guest and pressure
in
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on
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others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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issues now since they just need to focus on
create
Wrong verb form
creating
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more solutions for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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doctor
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doctors
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and more vaccines for
children
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or
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
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with
virus
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viruses
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.
For instance
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, in 2020, there
is
Wrong verb form
was
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a big disaster by
virus
Add an article
a virus
the virus
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named
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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and
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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disaster
has kill
Wrong verb form
killed
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a lot of
people
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but
Correct word choice
apply
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what happened if in that time
science
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can
Verb problem
had
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focus
Wrong verb form
focused
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more or
add
Wrong verb form
added
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more
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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of
science
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to help each other
to
Verb problem
apply
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find
out
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
vaccine
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vaccines
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faster
.
Change the punctuation
?
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Moreover
Linking Words
Wrong verb form
having
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have
Wrong verb form
having
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more
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Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
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vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
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and better medicine is a good sign for everybody, especially
children
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with
strong
Add an article
the strong
a strong
show examples
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
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vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
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, they can deal with or avoid
sick
Replace the word
sickness
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when they
just
Add a missing verb
are just
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born.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as we have more
solution
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solutions
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and facilities,
medicines
Correct word choice
and medicines
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to deal with disease now
so
Correct word choice
apply
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the
dead
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death
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rate will decrease and the population will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increase. Whenever a doctor
save
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saves
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a person it means that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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just
have
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has
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got 1 more worker. The same
as
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apply
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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when they find out new things to deal with bad
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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in
Use synonyms
people’s
Use synonyms
live
Replace the word
lives
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can help
children
Use synonyms
and adults avoid
sick
Correct word choice
sickness and
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even kill the virus.
This
Linking Words
will help
society
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have
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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and
also
Linking Words
help the
economic
Replace the word
economy
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better.
Thus
Linking Words
, the main goal of
science
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is for
Use synonyms
people’s
Use synonyms
health. In conclusion, for a better
society
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with more workforce and
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
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people
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especially
children
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avoid disease and deal with
sick
Replace the word
sickness
show examples
better,
science
Use synonyms
should focus on
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
Use synonyms
people’s
Use synonyms
lives.
Submitted by mizh.nguyen on

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task achievement
While the main points are clear, the essay would benefit from more detailed and varied examples to support the arguments. Try to include specific studies or factual information.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are logically organized, but some sentences are unclear and contain grammatical mistakes. Increasing sentence variety and complexity, while checking for grammatical accuracy, will improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
In some parts, the essay lacks a smooth flow of ideas. Using linking words and phrases effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs will enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive and clear response to the prompt, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant, helping to frame the essay well.
task achievement
The essay contains several strong points that are well-supported and relevant to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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