The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Healthcare is one of the most important
topic
that everyone always Change to a plural noun
topics
pay
attentionChange the verb form
pays
, especially
some scientists Change preposition
to, especially
use
their knowledge to create medicine or some solutions for Correct pronoun usage
who use
people
lives. Some Change noun form
people's
people
think that the most essential goal of science
ought to be improve
Fix the infinitive
to improve
people’s
health. In my opinion, I completely agree with this
since scientist
can help more Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
people
to live so the population will increase help
Correct word choice
and help
society
has
more Correct subject-verb agreement
have
worker
the amount of Fix the agreement mistake
workers
vaccine
or more new Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
solution
to deal with diseases can be Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
find out
faster.
Wrong verb form
found
Firstly
, the
Correct article usage
apply
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
does
not need to take Correct subject-verb agreement
do
to
much guest and pressure Correct your spelling
too
in
Change preposition
on
others
issues now since they just need to focus on Correct quantifier usage
other
create
more solutions for Wrong verb form
creating
the
Correct article usage
apply
doctor
and more vaccines for Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
children
or deal
with Wrong verb form
dealing
virus
. Fix the agreement mistake
viruses
For instance
, in 2020, there is
a big disaster by Wrong verb form
was
virus
named Add an article
a virus
the virus
Covid-19
and Correct your spelling
COVID-19
this
disaster Correct determiner usage
the
has kill
a lot of Wrong verb form
killed
people
but
what happened if in that time Correct word choice
apply
science
can
Verb problem
had
focus
more or Wrong verb form
focused
add
more Wrong verb form
added
group
of Fix the agreement mistake
groups
science
to help each other to
find Verb problem
apply
out
Change preposition
apply
vaccine
fasterFix the agreement mistake
vaccines
.
Change the punctuation
?
Moreover
Wrong verb form
having
have
more Wrong verb form
having
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
vaccine
and better medicine is a good sign for everybody, especially Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
children
with strong
Add an article
the strong
a strong
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
vaccine
, they can deal with or avoid Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
sick
when they Replace the word
sickness
just
born.
Add a missing verb
are just
Secondly
, as we have more solution
and facilities, Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
medicines
to deal with disease now Correct word choice
and medicines
so
the Correct word choice
apply
dead
rate will decrease and the population will Replace the word
death
be
increase. Whenever a doctor Unnecessary verb
apply
save
a person it means that Change the verb form
saves
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
just have
got 1 more worker. The same Change the verb form
has
as
Change preposition
apply
scientist
when they find out new things to deal with bad Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
situation
in Fix the agreement mistake
situations
people’s
live
Replace the word
lives
they
can help Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
and adults avoid sick
even kill the virus. Correct word choice
sickness and
This
will help society
have worker
and Fix the agreement mistake
workers
also
help the economic
better. Replace the word
economy
Thus
, the main goal of science
is for people’s
health.
In conclusion, for a better society
with more workforce and help
Fix the infinitive
to help
people
especially children
avoid disease and deal with sick
better, Replace the word
sickness
science
should focus on improve
Change the verb form
improving
people’s
lives.Submitted by mizh.nguyen on
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task achievement
While the main points are clear, the essay would benefit from more detailed and varied examples to support the arguments. Try to include specific studies or factual information.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are logically organized, but some sentences are unclear and contain grammatical mistakes. Increasing sentence variety and complexity, while checking for grammatical accuracy, will improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
In some parts, the essay lacks a smooth flow of ideas. Using linking words and phrases effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs will enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive and clear response to the prompt, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant, helping to frame the essay well.
task achievement
The essay contains several strong points that are well-supported and relevant to the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.