The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Healthcare is one of the most important
topic
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topics
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that everyone always
pay
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pays
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attention
, especially
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to, especially
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some scientists
use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
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their knowledge to create medicine or some solutions for
people
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people's
show examples
lives. Some
people
think that the most essential goal of
science
ought to be
improve
Fix the infinitive
to improve
show examples
people’s
health. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
since
scientist
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scientists
show examples
can help more
people
to live so the population will increase
help
Correct word choice
and help
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society
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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more
worker
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workers
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the amount of
vaccine
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vaccines
show examples
or more new
solution
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solutions
show examples
to deal with diseases can be
find out
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
faster.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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not need to take
to
Correct your spelling
too
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much guest and pressure
in
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on
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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issues now since they just need to focus on
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
more solutions for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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doctor
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doctors
show examples
and more vaccines for
children
or
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
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with
virus
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viruses
show examples
.
For instance
, in 2020, there
is
Wrong verb form
was
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a big disaster by
virus
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a virus
the virus
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named
Covid-19
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COVID-19
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and
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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disaster
has kill
Wrong verb form
killed
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a lot of
people
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what happened if in that time
science
can
Verb problem
had
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focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
more or
add
Wrong verb form
added
show examples
more
group
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groups
show examples
of
science
to help each other
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find
out
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apply
show examples
vaccine
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vaccines
show examples
faster
.
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?
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Moreover
Wrong verb form
having
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have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
more
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vaccines
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vaccine
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vaccines
show examples
and better medicine is a good sign for everybody, especially
children
with
strong
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the strong
a strong
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
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vaccine
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vaccines
show examples
, they can deal with or avoid
sick
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sickness
show examples
when they
just
Add a missing verb
are just
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born.
Secondly
, as we have more
solution
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solutions
show examples
and facilities,
medicines
Correct word choice
and medicines
show examples
to deal with disease now
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
dead
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death
show examples
rate will decrease and the population will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increase. Whenever a doctor
save
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saves
show examples
a person it means that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
just
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
got 1 more worker. The same
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
when they find out new things to deal with bad
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
in
people’s
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help
children
and adults avoid
sick
Correct word choice
sickness and
show examples
even kill the virus.
This
will help
society
have
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
and
also
help the
economic
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economy
show examples
better.
Thus
, the main goal of
science
is for
people’s
health. In conclusion, for a better
society
with more workforce and
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
show examples
people
especially
children
avoid disease and deal with
sick
Replace the word
sickness
show examples
better,
science
should focus on
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
people’s
lives.
Submitted by mizh.nguyen on

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task achievement
While the main points are clear, the essay would benefit from more detailed and varied examples to support the arguments. Try to include specific studies or factual information.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are logically organized, but some sentences are unclear and contain grammatical mistakes. Increasing sentence variety and complexity, while checking for grammatical accuracy, will improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
In some parts, the essay lacks a smooth flow of ideas. Using linking words and phrases effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs will enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive and clear response to the prompt, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant, helping to frame the essay well.
task achievement
The essay contains several strong points that are well-supported and relevant to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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