IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

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Nowadays young generation has an abundance of unendorsed
access
Use synonyms
 to the
internet
Use synonyms
 and
are
Change the verb form
is
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 commonly used to network with others.
This
Linking Words
 has created many social issues among families in society and has led to detrimental impacts on their well-being.
Access
Use synonyms
 to the
internet
Use synonyms
 opens all negative things a child can see at present.
In other words
Linking Words
, teenagers will get easily trapped and tempted to try out things.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, addiction to extreme death-challenging sports has been on the rise in
north
Capitalize word
North
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 America.
For instance
Linking Words
, more than
hundred
Change the article
a hundred
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 teens have died in the
last
Linking Words
 year accepting challenges
via
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online to suicide themselves.
Secondly
Linking Words
, addiction to porn has demoralized the personalities of young children which has resulted in lower grades in their academics.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many young people have been the
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
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 of getting recruited by terrorist organizations
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online which is alarming. Coordinated effort from the government and telecommunication companies is the only solution for
this
Linking Words
 concern.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government must amend current rules and bring firm laws to protect young children in the country.
For example
Linking Words
, companies should be banned and fined if found issuing connections to young people without proper validations.
Secondly
Linking Words
, parental control mechanisms for
internet
Use synonyms
 connections must be adhered
by
Change preposition
to by
show examples
 providers to make it impossible for youngsters to
access
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 unhealthy sites.
Finally
Linking Words
, continuous dialogue between parents and school management should be implemented to educate parents on how to identify
such
Linking Words
 actions by their children. In conclusion, the
internet
Use synonyms
 has been a widespread free tool which has given
access
Use synonyms
 array of things and has negatively impacted
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
today's youth. Long-term plans by authorities and parents can resolve
this
Linking Words
 mess effectively.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking words and phrases effectively can help guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are elaborated with stronger evidence and more detailed examples. This can help clarify your ideas and make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and covers the main points of concern related to unsupervised internet access for children, including social issues and proposed solutions.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised access
  • parental supervision
  • inappropriate content
  • online bullying
  • harassment
  • strangers
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • privacy
  • security
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