Social media is an essential part of young people’s lives nowadays, but its impact is often criticized. What are the advantages and disadvantages of social media in teenagers’ and young adults’ lives?
Now, social
media
is a crucial part of youth
's lives. However
, its impact is frequently criticized. Actually, social media
has positive impacts on young people
's live
as long as they Replace the word
lives
wisely
enough to use it. Indeed, the negative impacts of it are inevitable. I will discuss it below.
Social Add a missing verb
are wisely
media
can be a way for youth
to make money
. In other words
, social media
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
people
easier to search for jobs, making
Wrong verb form
make
contents
, and be Fix the agreement mistake
content
an
Correct article usage
apply
influencer
. Beforehand, Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
people
must looking
for Change the verb form
look
be looking
job
Add an article
a job
on
a newspaper and Change preposition
in
sending
Change the verb form
send
be sending
CV
directly to the office. But, nowadays, Correct article usage
a CV
youth
can as
simple as through their social Add a missing verb
do as
media
and find the occupation they want. For example
, creating contents
and uploading it on social Fix the agreement mistake
content
media
can possible people
to get Change preposition
for people
money
from it. Not only that, youth
can inspire other youths to make money
in an easy and beneficial way.
Unfortunately, there are some youth
that using
social Wrong verb form
use
media
to harm other people
. What I mean is cyberbullying. In a
real world, it is a common phenomenon that one teenager are Correct article usage
the
bullying
other teenagers. Wrong verb form
bully
On
the present Change preposition
In
days
, the problem become serious because there is social Fix the agreement mistake
day
media
. Teenagers can get hate comments due to
their appereance
on social Correct your spelling
appearance
media
. For instance
, there is a youth
idol in Korea who got cyberbullied and decide
to Wrong verb form
decided
did
suicide.
Change the verb
do
To sum up
, social media
is important for youth
's lives. It can give
Verb problem
apply
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
for
Change preposition
apply
people
to making
Wrong verb form
make
money
. Nevertheless
, it should be remember
that social Change the verb form
be remembered
media
also
have bad impacts, like cyberbullying. I highly recommend for
Change preposition
that
people
to aware of this
problem and more focus on the advantages of social media
.Submitted by wishmeluck on
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Task Achievement
Your introduction provides a general overview but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction.
Task Achievement
While your essay addresses both the positive and negative impacts of social media, some points could be elaborated further. For instance, you could provide more examples of how social media can be used for monetary gains and how it can contribute to cyberbullying.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be careful with sentence structure and word choice. For instance, 'live' should be 'lives', and 'wisely enough to use it' should be 'wise enough to use it.' These minor errors can sometimes affect the clarity of your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs flow logically from one to the next. Using transition words like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'On the other hand', 'In conclusion' can help guide the reader through your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Conclude each paragraph by summarizing the main point before moving on to the next. This can help improve the flow and cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay does a good job of touching on both the advantages and disadvantages of social media in young people's lives, providing a balanced view.
Task Achievement
You have used some relevant examples to illustrate your points, which helps to make your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and provides a recommendation, which is a strong way to end your essay.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...