The population of the cities is increasing and more people are buying cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve those issues?
The population of cities is increasing and more people are buying
cars
for first
time.
With increasing the Change the article
the first
number
of citizens in the cities and, simultaneously, rose the demand for cars
. The main problems that came from these are traffic
jams and air
pollution
. However
, with certain measures, such
as improving public transport
and making it electrified, this
problem can be tackled.
The numbers
of Fix the agreement mistake
number
cars
growing rapidly in urban areas are
causing terrible issues Correct subject-verb agreement
is
such
as traffic
jams and air
pollution
in urban areas . As a more individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
more individuals
a more individual
acquiring
more Wrong verb form
acquire
cars
, the number
of cars
on the road is increasing , leading to several traffic
issues . Furthermore
rosing the first time cars
are on the roads results in higher emissions , contributing significantly air
Fix the infinitive
to air
pollution
. The relationship between city population and cars
purchases Fix the agreement mistake
car
impact
on Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
air
pollution
. For example
, nowadays Tashkent city is facing with
these problems: streets are clogged with Change preposition
apply
cars
and air
quality is deteriorating rapidly .
However
, one of the more efficient ways to combat traffic
congestion and air
pollution
is by improving public transportation systems and making them electric. When public transport
is convenient and reliable, the public can switch their private cars
to public transportation. This
shift can lead to a significant reduction in the number
of cars
on the roads, alleviating traffic
congestion. Moreover
, switching public transport
to electric power can reduce emissions and improve air
quality. Berlin is a great example of this
case; this
city’s traffic
flow and air
quality have been improved by the efficiency of electric public transport
.
In conclusion, the growing population and increasing number
of car purchases cause challenges. However
, by improving public transport
and making it electric, we can solve traffic
jams and air
pollution
.Submitted by mamashukuruvbobur31 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring logical flow between paragraphs. Some transitions in the essay could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
Clarify points more thoroughly. While the main issues and solutions are identified, provide deeper insights and explanations where needed.
task achievement
Try to enrich your examples. Although the example of Tashkent and Berlin provided were relevant, additional and more diverse examples can substantiate your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which neatly summarize the problem and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Main points like traffic jams, air pollution, and solutions by improving public transport are clearly mentioned and adequately supported.
task achievement
Providing specific examples like Tashkent and Berlin makes your argument more concrete and relatable.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite