IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The population of the cities is increasing and more people are buying cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve those issues?

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The population of cities is increasing and more people are buying
cars
Use synonyms
 for
first
Change the article
the first
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 time. With increasing the
number
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 of citizens in the cities and, simultaneously, rose the demand for
cars
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. The main problems that came from these are 
traffic
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 jams and
air
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pollution
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.
However
Linking Words
 , with certain measures,
such
Linking Words
 as improving public
transport
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 and making it electrified,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be tackled. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
cars
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 growing rapidly in urban areas
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 causing terrible issues
such
Linking Words
 as 
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams and
air
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pollution
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 in urban areas . As
a more individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
more individuals
a more individual
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acquiring
Wrong verb form
acquire
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 more
cars
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, the
number
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 of
cars
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 on the road is increasing , leading to several
traffic
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 issues .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 rosing the first time
cars
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 are on the roads results in higher emissions , contributing significantly
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air
Fix the infinitive
to air
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pollution
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. The relationship between   city population and
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cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
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 purchases
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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 on
air
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pollution
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.
For example
Linking Words
 , nowadays Tashkent city is facing
with
Change preposition
apply
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these problems: streets are clogged with
cars
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 and
air
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 quality is deteriorating rapidly .
However
Linking Words
, one of the more efficient ways to combat
traffic
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 congestion and
air
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pollution
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 is by improving public transportation systems and making them electric. When public
transport
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 is convenient and reliable, the public can switch their private
cars
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 to public transportation.
This
Linking Words
 shift can lead to a significant reduction in the
number
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 of
cars
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 on the roads, alleviating
traffic
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 congestion.
Moreover
Linking Words
, switching public
transport
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 to electric power can reduce emissions and improve
air
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 quality. Berlin is a great example of
this
Linking Words
 case;
this
Linking Words
 city’s
traffic
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 flow and
air
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 quality have been improved by the efficiency of electric public
transport
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. In conclusion, the growing population and increasing
number
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 of car purchases cause challenges.
However
Linking Words
, by improving public
transport
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 and making it electric, we can solve
traffic
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 jams and
air
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pollution
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.

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring logical flow between paragraphs. Some transitions in the essay could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
Clarify points more thoroughly. While the main issues and solutions are identified, provide deeper insights and explanations where needed.
task achievement
Try to enrich your examples. Although the example of Tashkent and Berlin provided were relevant, additional and more diverse examples can substantiate your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which neatly summarize the problem and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Main points like traffic jams, air pollution, and solutions by improving public transport are clearly mentioned and adequately supported.
task achievement
Providing specific examples like Tashkent and Berlin makes your argument more concrete and relatable.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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