IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
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Regarding the fact that we are living in the modern world, quite a few
people
 make an effort to determine new profitable approaches
death
Change preposition
to death
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 warrant issues.
Consequently
, a considerable number of
people
 firmly state that chastening is crucial in order to ensure peace and
tranquility
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tranquillity
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,
while
 the other majority of
people
 unanimously denounce and claim that executions of felons should be banned. Personally, I hold the view that we should ponder over
this
 tender subject equally and properly. The following essay targets to support the mentioned statements above with appropriate reasons and instances.
Above all
, I would like to point out that unfortunately, even after several centuries
people
 still continue to commit brutal crimes which are considered to be threats towards the safety and
well-beings
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well-being
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 of citizens.
In addition
, it is apparent that we come
accross
Correct your spelling
across
with
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apply
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several news every day about innocent
people
,children and animals getting killed ruthlessly, massive robberies,
youngsters
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and youngsters
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 getting kidnapped, raped and murdered.
Therefore
 some countries still
uses
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use
show examples
 capital
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
show examples
 in order to put an end to
such
 barbarisms.
For example
, in
Iran
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Iran,
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 the death penalty or cutting fingers or sexual organs of criminals are being applied.
On the other hand
, we must take into that some crimes
happenes
Correct your spelling
happens
happened
happen
 unintentionally or because of some external triggering factors and they force that person to do something illegal or murder someone
while
 self-defending
yourself
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apply
show examples
.
Such
 fatal punishments could bring up serious mental traumas not only in felons
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
 in their family and
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
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 ones,
therefore
 since we are living in a contemporary society I think that it would be better to avoid
such
 extreme penalties to ensure a mentally healthy environment. All things considered, I am highly confident to restate that even if capital punishments are traumatizing events,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there is still a need for them to guarantee safety and decrease the amount of violence.
Submitted by nigar.rza.2502 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, make sure to develop each point more fully, using specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to present your points more clearly and logically, ensuring that each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Use more linking phrases to ensure smooth transitions.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded discussion of the topic, touching on both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear start and end to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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