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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart demonstrates the usage of different screens
such
 as mobiles, laptops, tablets, computer desktops, TVs with flat
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 and conventional
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
 by the
middle age
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
 group people of Canada to view television
programmes
 in the years 2009 and 2019.
Overall
,
it is clear that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
programmes
 were mostly watched through conventional TVs
initially
, later they were replaced by televisions with flat screens.
However
, the usage of mobile phones and tablets
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased.
In contrast
, laptops and desktop computers were reported with minimal usage. In the year 2009, most of the Canadians preferred following
TV
programmes
 on traditional screens, who were about 34%
whereas
 only 5% viewed in tabs. The laptop and mobile viewers were four and three times
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the tablet screen watchers respectively.
Moreover
, only 8% of the population used
flat screned
Correct your spelling
flat-screen
 televisions. The other 18% of the citizens used
computer's
Change noun form
computer
show examples
desktop
Fix the agreement mistake
desktops
show examples
. With regards to the year 2019, the followers of
TV
programmes
 watching through ancient
TV
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 were just about one-ninth of the initial viewers
whereas
 the tablet users were
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
risen
 by four times.
In contrast
, laptop and desktop users were reduced and remained at 12% each. The
canadians
Change the capitalization
Canadians
show examples
 watching
flat screened
Add a hyphen
flat-screened
show examples
 TVs were augmented by three times.
In addition
, mobile phone
userd
Correct your spelling
users
used
 were
icreased
Correct your spelling
increased
 by 11%.
Submitted by sivaleelamahendra1214 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, whereas".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, programmes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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