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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

More and more serious crimes seem to be committed each year. Some think that the death penalty is the best way to deal with this problem while other people think different measures are more likely to be successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#crimes #year #think #death #penalty #people #measures
In
this
 modern era, the rate of scandal increases day by day, some people think that criminals should get only the passing penalty,
whereas
, some believe that governments can take other measures to reduce
this
 problem. I will discuss both views with relevant examples and will conclude with my own opinions.
To begin
 with, the first notion of the expiration penalty does not ensure, that corruption will decrease or not, but it will surely have an impact on the population of the nation, which will decline every year,
moreover
, criminals do not do misconduct always intentionally, sometimes, it happens by mistake or with the unconscious mind and they found guilty.
For example
, 25% prisoners of in the United States are teenagers, who took action
due to
 their immaturity and in
this
 case, giving the sentence of demise means not giving them another chance to improve themselves or taking from them zero
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 chance to live second.
Consequently
, decreasing sanctions is not the only way to solve
this
 issue. On the other side, there are a plethora of steps that can be taken by a prisoner in charge to mitigate the
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 ratio,
such
 as
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
 sessions for teenagers, knowing about their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, and allowing them to pursue their hobbies in their free time, getting to know the problems of people who love to live alone, it will not just improve their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 towards the public, but it will
also
 give another chance to do something better in their life.
For instance
, five
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of prisoners in the United States got relief from jails
due to
 their improved nature.
Lastly
, everyone can become a better person after putting in some effort. To synopsize, I pen down saying that, the loss of life penalty is not only the way to deal with breach problems,
according to
 my opinion, the government should take other measures to diminish the ratio of illegal acts.
Submitted by hkaur14165 on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly conveys your position and precisely paraphrases the topic. You should present a clearer thesis statement outlining the two views you will discuss.
task response
You have provided relevant examples, but try to be more specific and consistent with your statistics and examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning more smoothly between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to improve flow and coherence throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea, and that idea is well-developed and supported. Avoid overloading paragraphs with multiple concepts.
task response
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which is crucial for the task.
task response
The conclusion presents a clear opinion which is essential for the effectiveness of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have made a good effort to provide examples to support your points, demonstrating an understanding of how to develop an argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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