Prevention is better than cure. Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measure. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary society, where
the
Correct article usage
apply
health
is always compromised to enhance the way of living statndard
, the topic of the Correct your spelling
standard
govenment
should make higher Correct your spelling
government
expendutures
regarding spreading Correct your spelling
expenditures
knowlege
of well-being and guiding people about different preventable techniques rather than on providing treatment to Correct your spelling
knowledge
effected
patients Correct your spelling
affected
has
sparked a degree of Unnecessary verb
apply
controversary
among the public. I Correct your spelling
controversy
am
strongly stick with the given statement that educating the community about Unnecessary verb
apply
health
and protective measures is utmost
Change preposition
of utmost
important
for the world.
A plethora of considerable reasons are Replace the word
importance
avilable
regarding Correct your spelling
available
this
notion. First and foremost, it will assist the higher authorities of countries to spend make
less spendings on Verb problem
apply
maintaing
Correct your spelling
maintaining
hospitalization
of citizens. To illustrate Correct article usage
the hospitalization
this
, if the members of society have knowlege
about different factors that can Correct your spelling
knowledge
effect
their Correct your spelling
affect
health
adversely, they will start to make a
Correct article usage
apply
distence
from those factors, Correct your spelling
distance
such
as cleaningness
, eating unwashed vegetables and fruits, handshake with Correct your spelling
cleanings
Add an article
an effected
the effected
effected
person of particular contagious Correct your spelling
affected
diease
, Correct your spelling
disease
consequently
, there will be lower
number of patients in hospitals which help the Add an article
a lower
govenment
of that Correct your spelling
government
country
to spend lower
cost to recover Add an article
the lower
a lower
effected
citizens.
Adding Correct your spelling
affected
further
point towards the crucial requirement of making higher investment on promoting health
education instead
of curing patients is that it will make particular
nation more strong in Add an article
the particular
a particular
world
as compare to other nations as it has the highly healthier and Add an article
the world
diease
free environment which not only Correct your spelling
disease
make
that Change the verb form
makes
country
physically strong but also
on other aspects such
as country
will grow ecnomically
and scientifically. Correct your spelling
economically
This
is due to
the fact that inhabitants of country
will more focus on their studies and politically or socially and helps their Correct article usage
the country
country
to grow faster as compared to others by using their healthy minds and body
that are free from Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
dieases
.
Correct your spelling
diseases
To conclude
, health
of each and every citizen is highly important for every Add an article
the health
country
, therefore
its utmost Replace the word
importance
important
to pay towards factors to enhance Replace the word
importance
health
education.Submitted by BUTTAR on
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for your arguments, but there are some grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing that can make it a bit hard to follow. Consider revising the sentence structure and proofread for grammar and spelling errors to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a decent logical structure, but you can improve the flow by using more appropriate transition words and phrases. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Your point about preventing diseases to lower the number of patients in hospitals is valid, but it could benefit from more concrete examples or specific statistics to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a more formal academic tone throughout your essay. Avoid informal expressions and ensure that your sentences are well-structured.
task achievement
You have a strong, clear introduction and conclusion that effectively encompass your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
The main points you raise are relevant and address the topic well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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