the most imprtant aim of science should be to improve people lives
One of the major purposes of science is to improve
people
lives. In Change noun form
people's
this
essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion at the end
.
There are a lot of inventions
nowadays that improve people
lives, Change noun form
people's
such
as cars, planes and computers. First of all, cars help people
move to another place,
and some of the Remove the comma
apply
people
traveled
by Change the spelling
travelled
the
car. Remove the article
apply
Secondly
, planes help people
to travel to another nation
and learn about new cultures and languages. Fix the agreement mistake
other nations
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
also
important to highlight computers, it
help students to study and do research, not only students Correct pronoun usage
they
use
computers, every one
Replace the word
everyone
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
computer
for other purposes.
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
However
, a lot of people
use
inventions
in the wrong way. For example
, cell phones were used in the past the mobile use
to connect with each other and chat with family and friends. But nowadays people
use
phones for entertainment, and that makes people
lazy. Again, TV one
of the main Add a missing verb
is one
inventions
, but when the a
person Choose an article
the
a
watch
TV a lot for Change the verb form
watches
along
time, that Correct your spelling
a long
maybe
cause obesity and health issues, like, high blood pressure. Correct your spelling
may
For instance
, children play video games all the time, not only in their free time, and this
cause
big Change the verb form
causes
healthy
problems, in comparison with the children before the computer and TV.
Replace the word
health
To sum up
, it is clear that
science improves people
Change noun form
people's
life
. In my opinion, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
Correct article usage
apply
inventions
have both effects, and all people
should choose the good effect of the invention. I agree that science improves people
lives and helps them.Change noun form
people's
Submitted by joudaalhammadi on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and makes a clear stand. However, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive and clear ideas. It would be helpful to expand on the points made and provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and presents an introduction and a conclusion, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use more cohesive devices to connect your ideas and paragraphs better.
task achievement
While the essay has relevant examples, they could be more specific and better integrated into the main points. Try to elaborate on the examples and explain how they support your arguments more clearly.
supported main points
The main points are present but need better support. Try to provide more detailed arguments and ensure that each point is clearly explained and backed up with specific examples or evidence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a structured response to the topic.
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt directly and provides a balanced view by considering both the positive and negative aspects of scientific advancements.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided are relevant to the topic and help in illustrating the points made in the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?