the most imprtant aim of science should be to improve people lives

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the major purposes of science is to improve
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion
at the end
Linking Words
. There are a lot of
inventions
Use synonyms
nowadays that improve
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives,
such
Linking Words
as cars, planes and computers. First of all, cars help
people
Use synonyms
move to another place
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and some of the
people
Use synonyms
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
by
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
car.
Secondly
Linking Words
, planes help
people
Use synonyms
to travel to
another nation
Fix the agreement mistake
other nations
show examples
and learn about new cultures and languages.
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
show examples
also
Linking Words
important to highlight computers,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
help students to study and do research, not only students
use
Use synonyms
computers,
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
Use synonyms
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
for other purposes.
However
Linking Words
, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
inventions
Use synonyms
in the wrong way.
For example
Linking Words
, cell phones were used in the past the mobile
use
Use synonyms
to connect with each other and chat with family and friends. But nowadays
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
phones for entertainment, and that makes
people
Use synonyms
lazy. Again, TV
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
of the main
inventions
Use synonyms
, but when
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
person
watch
Change the verb form
watches
show examples
TV a lot for
along
Correct your spelling
a long
show examples
time, that
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
cause obesity and health issues, like, high blood pressure.
For instance
Linking Words
, children play video games all the time, not only in their free time, and
this
Linking Words
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
big
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
problems, in comparison with the children before the computer and TV.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
science improves
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inventions
Use synonyms
have both effects, and all
people
Use synonyms
should choose the good effect of the invention. I agree that science improves
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives and helps them.
Submitted by joudaalhammadi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and makes a clear stand. However, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive and clear ideas. It would be helpful to expand on the points made and provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and presents an introduction and a conclusion, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use more cohesive devices to connect your ideas and paragraphs better.
task achievement
While the essay has relevant examples, they could be more specific and better integrated into the main points. Try to elaborate on the examples and explain how they support your arguments more clearly.
supported main points
The main points are present but need better support. Try to provide more detailed arguments and ensure that each point is clearly explained and backed up with specific examples or evidence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a structured response to the topic.
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt directly and provides a balanced view by considering both the positive and negative aspects of scientific advancements.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided are relevant to the topic and help in illustrating the points made in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: