IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas？

#demand #energy #sources #oil #gas #people #places #areas？
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It is so essential topic in modern society. I am a geoligist, actually and I assumed that, today most of
develolvment
Correct word choice
the developed
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 might
be
Verb problem
have
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 discovered all of
indicated
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the indicated
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resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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,
recognized
Correct word choice
and recognized
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 territory. The developed countries knew
a
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apply
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data
of
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on
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 minerals,
oil
,
natural
Correct word choice
and natural
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gas
. But they already can
calculated
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be calculated
calculate
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 how is profit after excavated and transported. They can keep
until
Correct pronoun usage
it until
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would be
Verb problem
they
show examples
 find more beneficial technology
of
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to
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 operate the
oil
 and
gas
. Since it, they couldn't operate ourselves resources, Reverse, they want to work and operate from low
devolvment
Correct your spelling
developed
country
. Unfortunately, poor countries couldn't
enough
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do enough
show examples
 exploration and estimate calculation. As they ask
some
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for some
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 from rich
country
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countries
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.So they could reach
to
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apply
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new
inhabitant
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inhabitants
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natural
Correct word choice
and natural
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 of poor
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
For example
, West African
country
 has extraordinary
oil
 resources, which cheapest
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
of
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for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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ocean
transports
Correct subject-verb agreement
transport
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.
Actually
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Actually,
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 they lost of natural view of their hometown.
Therefore
, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 is disagree with
break
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breaking
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 new and natural places. It's only
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 cause. That reason
inevitably
Add a missing verb
is inevitably
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 connected to the next cause. Second
is
Verb problem
apply
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everybody
known
Wrong verb form
knows
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 about climate change. One of
most
Correct article usage
the most
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significiant
Correct your spelling
significant
issue
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issues
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 is climate change risk. It depends
how
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on how
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produce
Verb problem
apply
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an
Remove the article
apply
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energy
last
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lasts
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 three decades. Usually, the cheapest way
produce
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to produce
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the
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apply
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electricity is definitely to use
oil
 and coal. But that faced
to
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apply
show examples
difficult
Add an article
the difficult
a difficult
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problem
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problems
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 for
environmental
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the environmental
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 area
,
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apply
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 and affected of
toxic
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the toxic
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 result. Because in
twenty-one
Correct article usage
the twenty-one
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 century
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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developed a lot of industrial even so increased
for
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apply
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a huge of numbers population
on
Change preposition
apply
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the world. Some countries are considering about more
effectively
Change the word
effective
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.
Such
 as, the United States used to fossil fuels a lot of amount before hundred years ago, Now they
prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to transmit from coal fuel to natural
gas
. The concludes,
On
Change preposition
apply
show examples
orginally
Correct your spelling
originally
 we would
to faced
Verb problem
face
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 difficulty of global warming if we still use
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fuel,
oil
,
gas
Correct word choice
and gas
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, we would try to refuse to approach a new place, and produce more
oil
 and
gas
. We need to research and develop
for
Change preposition
apply
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other resources,
such
 as
renewble
Correct your spelling
renewable
renewables
 and nuclear energy
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
.
Submitted by nbogey777 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer logical structure to your essay. Make sure each paragraph has a single main idea, and that these ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction should be more explicit in stating your position, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your main points.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more organized and clearer ideas. Make sure each argument is fully developed and clearly explained.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples, such as the situation in West African countries and the transition to natural gas in the United States.
task achievement
Your concern for the environmental impact and climate change highlights an important aspect of the debate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • energy sources
  • industrial growth and development
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • revenues
  • technological advancements
  • extraction process
  • biodiversity
  • natural habitats
  • indigenous communities
  • displacement
  • traditional way of life
  • environmental disasters
  • oil spills
  • long-lasting effects
  • widespread effects
What to do next:
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