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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar graph shows the annual number of rides taken on two forms of public transportation in the city of Williamsville between 2016 to 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph shows the annual number of rides taken on two forms of public transportation in the city of Williamsville between 2016 to 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates males and females, who received average salaries on a weekly basis and worked in various departments in the year 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the graph that the higher salary received by the
men
Use synonyms
 in all professions in the same year.
Whereas
Linking Words
 females received more pay in professional occupations as compared to other jobs. Both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 received the lowest
payment
Use synonyms
 in manual labour occupations. It is conspicuous that for
men
Use synonyms
 pay was $2000 in 2020 and it was highest among all the categories in both genders. The minimum
payment
Use synonyms
 received by the
men
Use synonyms
 in manual labourers, where these employees received $1100 per
week
Use synonyms
 USE SYNONYMS agedatedayerafuturegenerationhourlifemomentmonthoccasionpacepastpointpresentseasonsecondspacestagetermturnwhileyear It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. .
In addition
Linking Words
, professionals occupation paid the highest salary by employers; it was $2000 every
week
Use synonyms
 in 2020 and administrative/ clerical workers, service workers and technicians were higher than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
. Probing ahead, it can be experienced in the same year girls received the maximum
payment
Use synonyms
 in the professionals' category $1900 per
week
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
women
Use synonyms
 got lessened
payment
Use synonyms
 of $850 in manual labourers jobs.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the maximum salary per
week
Use synonyms
 got by girls is $1900 in professional occupations. So in all categories, ladies received less as compared to
men
Use synonyms
. Companies showed more interest in
men
Use synonyms
 than
women
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, payment, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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