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Band 4.5

Some people believe that schools should teach foreign languages for primary school children. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #schools #languages #school #children #development
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There has been a growing trend toward tailoring foreign
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languages course
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language courses
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 for primary school
children
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 more frequently than observed in previous generations.
While
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this
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 has admittedly certain benefits, I would convinced that
this
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 is
predominantly
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a predominantly
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 negative development. On the one hand, providing international vocabulary curriculums can be advantageous to a certain extent. The initial concern revolves around the
expand
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expansion
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in
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of
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 worldwide
culture
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cultural
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knowledge
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as well as
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increase
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the increase
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the
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in the
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 mindset
in
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of
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children
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. Teaching foreign
languages
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at in
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in
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an
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 early
ages
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age
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 assists kids in achieving new experiences
as well as
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observation
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an observation
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 about
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the surrounded
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surrounded
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surrounding
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 world. Regarding
to
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apply
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the
highly
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high
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 potential of
internalizing
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an internalizing
the internalizing
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second
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a second
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 language, it could be a foundation for the fast-paced development
in
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of
show examples
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languages
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language
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 skills in the future,
provide
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providing
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infant
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infants
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more
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with more
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 promising opportunities in both school performance
as well as
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 career prospects.
On the other hand
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, the aforementioned advantages are questionable at highly doubtful. In
term
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terms
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 of
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children
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children's
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understandings
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understanding
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, the inability to understand thoroughly the nature of
languages
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due to
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 the early
live
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life
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 age.
This
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 is because their brains are constantly immature
as
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and
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children
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 can not apprehend the
knowledge
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 well.
As a result
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, it sufficiently leads to difficulties in studying and worse still, the overload in academic experiences
forfeit
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forfeits
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 the interest in learning.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, the pressure of performing well in English raised a significant pressure in primary students.
Additionally
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,
interact
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interaction
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 with worldwide cultures and foreign
languages
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 interrupt the
internalize
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internalised
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 progress of mother
languages
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as well as
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 awareness of nation unity. The mix of cultures and
knowledge
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 potentially
resulting
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results
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 in a loss of
directions
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direction
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 and leads to the misunderstanding about
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the infant
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infant
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infant's
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 original nation. In conclusion,
while
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 educating youth in primary school foreign
languages
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 could engage in undeniable advantages in
term
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terms
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 of expanding
knowledge
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 and
promote
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promoting
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 the
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languages
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language's
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 ability for
future
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the future
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, I am convinced that these are eclipsed by adverse influences.
Submitted by document.hanie on

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task achievement
Your essay covers most parts of the question, but some points need further development. For example, the point about opportunities in school performance and career prospects needs more elaboration.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are more clearly and comprehensively presented. Some sentences are confusing due to language issues, like 'initial concern revolves around the expand in worldwide culture knowledge.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. Instead of just mentioning pressure in Vietnam, explain how this pressure affects students' mental health or academic performance specifically.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay. Some ideas are not clearly connected. For instance, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be more smoothly connected.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed, relevant explanations. Some arguments are presented but not fully backed up with reasoning or examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally supported, but they could be developed further for a higher score.
task achievement
You have made a genuine effort to address the task question and have included both advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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