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Band 3.5

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is liberation in thoughts. Now people are beginning to realize that freedom of speech is vital important for society. In my opinion, I tend to agree with that sentence

#liberation #thoughts #people #freedom #speech #society #sentence
One
 of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
importance
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the importance
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 of liberty of speech in society. Personally, I believe that freedom of speech is
significant
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the significant
a significant
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 right of human beings, even though it has some drawbacks, the benefits far
outweight
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outweigh
 them.
Firstly
,
one
 big good thing about
that is
 it helps countries do well. I mean each and every country
need
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needs
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 wise people to solve problems, and letting them
to
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apply
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speak up is key to
this
.
For instance
, when we have elections, listening to citizens’ ideas will help leaders to make appropriate decisions, and maybe know more about people’s life. So, hearing from everyone is essential. Plus, letting people speak freely is great for their mental health. Recently,
one
 article ,that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 read ,says expressing thoughts is
one
 of the ways of relieving stress,
also
 it may help to focus on
the
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apply
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work or study.
Additionally
, people’s behaviour
is
Verb problem
has
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also
 changed because of
this
. Nowadays, we
do
Verb problem
are
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 not
scare
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scared
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 to speak up about global problems, we can freely against
to
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apply
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wealthy ones,
we
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and we
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learn
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have learned
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 how to be tolerant.
Furthermore
, in the USA people have
one
 month to support LGTB, which is called “Pride
month
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Month
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” and they have parades every year. In conclusion, it is really important to have
Correct article usage
the rights
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rights
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right
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 to speak up without any punishment. And I totally believe with
these liberty
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this liberty
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 we can live in
better
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a better
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 society than now.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Task Response
Your essay addresses the topic well, but further development of ideas would strengthen your argument. Including more detailed examples and elaboration on the drawbacks you mentioned would improve your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, the logical structure could be improved. More transitions between ideas and paragraphs will help the reader follow your argument more easily. Additionally, be sure to proofread for grammatical accuracy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main thesis. Some points, such as mental health benefits, can be expanded to include more specifics and evidence.
Task Response
Your essay effectively covers the importance of freedom of speech and supports this with relevant points. Good job addressing both mental health and societal benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly outline your stance on the issue. The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
You made good use of examples, such as elections and Pride Month, to illustrate your points. These examples help ground your argument in real-world contexts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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