In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the cities is increasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #development

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In these

Change preposition

These

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days, a lot of

people

Use synonyms

who live in

Correct article usage

the countrysides

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countrysides

Fix the agreement mistake

countryside

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are moving to cities and

population

Correct article usage

the population

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in the cities

keep

Correct subject-verb agreement

keeps

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increasing.

This

Linking Words

phenomenon was revealed as

serious

Correct article usage

a serious

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society

Replace the word

societal

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problem in the news. And I

also

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think

this

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is negative for the nation.

First,

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people

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's lives can become more tough because of

increasing

Correct article usage

the increasing

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population in

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city

Correct article usage

the city

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place. The size of

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city

Add an article

the city

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area

Use synonyms

is very small compared to

Use synonyms

countryside

Add an article

the countryside

show examples

However

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, as citizens

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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keep coming to

Use synonyms

city

Add an article

the city

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and the population is getting higher,

then

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the

houses price

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house prices

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will go upper and

people

Use synonyms

will have

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the

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hardship

to look

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in looking

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for their living. Many 20s generation

people

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are coming to

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city

Add an article

the city

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for the job but they don't have much money to live in

apartment

Add an article

an apartment

the apartment

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. So the sad reality is they have to live underground room.

Second,

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if most of the

people

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who

lives

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live

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in rural

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area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

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move to the

city

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then

Linking Words

there is no one who helps agriculture work,

such

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as planting and harvesting. And

this

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will impact very negatively

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show examples

food

Add an article

the food

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system.

Human

Fix the agreement mistake

Humans

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needs

Correct subject-verb agreement

need

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to eat rice and other kinds of food like fish or fruit. But if whole young generations move to the

city

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and only old adults are left in rural

Use synonyms

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

speed

Correct article usage

the speed

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and quality of their work will get very bad. They need descendants who keep doing

this

Linking Words

work

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show examples

the

countryside

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, there is a negative impact

with

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show examples

this

Linking Words

phenomenon, which is

people

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will suffer for searching for their living and there will be a problem with

food

Correct article usage

the food

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system because of

lack

Correct article usage

the lack

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of workers in the

countryside

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. I think the tendency that young

people

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want to live in the

city

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is very natural.

Linking Words

However

Add a comma

However,

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that

Correct determiner usage

the

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reason is the gap between urban

Use synonyms

city

Fix the agreement mistake

cities

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and rural

Use synonyms

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

is too big. The quality of education, facilities and service in the

city

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is way higher than

other

Change preposition

in other

show examples

areas. So if the government try to change and develop

Use synonyms

countryside

Correct article usage

the countryside

show examples

more,

then

Linking Words

the moving rate will decrease.

Submitted by starmino0113 on Sat Jul 20 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents some relevant arguments and examples. However, the overall response lacks depth and clarity in some parts. Try to expand on your points and provide more detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay could be improved. Some of the transitions between ideas are not very smooth, and there are instances where the flow of information could be more coherent. Consider using more transitional phrases and organizing your ideas in a more logical sequence.

grammatical accuracy

There are grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout your essay. It would be beneficial to proofread your work or have someone else review it for you. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, proper tense usage, and overall sentence structure.

introduction conclusion

While you have an introduction and a conclusion, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion more impactful. Try starting with a hook that grabs the reader's attention and ending with a strong closing statement that reinforces your main argument.

task achievement

You provide relevant specific examples to support your main points, which helps illustrate your arguments effectively.

introduction conclusion

You have an introduction and a conclusion, which shows an understanding of essay structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the cities is increasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsible of individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

with the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more recources. to what extend do you agree?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?