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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Being a celebrity such as famous film stars or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits do you think being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems

#celebrity #film #stars #sports #personality
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People have different views about whether becoming a superstar
makes
Verb problem
is
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 more difficult than advantageous in his
life
.
While
 legends in their
life
 have too many troubles, I believe that the merits of being popular bring more advantages. Regardless of wealth and power,
community's
Correct article usage
the community's
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 interest in being seen is the main reason for most people become superstars. Being always under observation is the biggest issue for celebrities and it causes them to feel bad and nervous in situations in
life
. Celebrities are the mirror of society, in fact, they show us the public in general view and any words that they say have an impact on the community.
Also
, another problem of being a
celeb
Replace the word
celebrity
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 is not having a private
life
.
For example
, when they want to go to a restaurant or shopping with their family or friends,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to take a photo with them causing discomfort to them.
On the other hand
, being famous can have many benefits in the public for famous individuals. For
human
Add an article
a human
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 to have some information about the aspects of their
life
 it can be interesting.
In addition
, being
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
attention or well-known brings wealth to the celebrity and they should be up-to-date or fashionable in society to be speaking about.
Moreover
, one of the perks of the famous is having fans who support you and love you no matter what. Thanks to the media, you can do anything that you want and take pieces of advice about any issues with your fans.
However
 well-known
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
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 gaining fame and fortune, it is natural that they will have golden and unique opportunities to do new and special things.
To conclude
, I can understand why celebrities might have a stressful and difficult
life
 because of being famous. But
otherwise
, they benefit much more from their fame.
Submitted by abphobos70 on

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. General statements can weaken the impact of your points.
task achievement
Work on clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Some sentences were a bit convoluted and difficult to follow. Ensuring clarity will improve overall comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases and words to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas, this will help with coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs feel slightly disconnected. Ensure that each paragraph logically flows into the next by using linking phrases.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion by presenting both the problems and benefits of being a celebrity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
supported main points
Each main point is followed by an explanation, which aids in reader understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scrutiny: Close and critical observation or examination.
  • endorsement deals: Agreements where a celebrity promotes a company's products.
  • mental health issues: Psychological problems that affect a person's emotional well-being.
  • substantial financial rewards: Large amounts of money earned.
  • public opinion: The collective opinion on a specific topic or issue by the general public.
  • social trends: Patterns of change in society's behavior and attitudes.
  • positive image: The perception of being good or favorable.
  • career opportunities: Chances to advance or embark on new professions.
  • burnout: Physical or emotional exhaustion due to prolonged stress.
  • quality of life: The standard of health, comfort, and happiness experienced.
  • admiration: Deep respect and warm approval.
  • motivation: The reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.
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