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Band 5

Some claim that children are more aware of environmental issues than older adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #adults
It is argued that
children
 under 18 years old are more conscious and informed of environmental
problems
in contrast
 with
adults
. I agree with
this
 statement , owing
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to the fact that
children
 are actively being notified of current ecological issues in school . Meanwhile , the elderly people are too occupied with their jobs and are proved of
making
Verb problem
doing
show examples
 the damage to
environment
.
Children
 are kept abreast of the
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 early in school. Nowadays teaching
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
enhanced
Add a missing verb
are enhanced
show examples
 ,
students
Correct word choice
and students
show examples
 are able to familiarize themselves with the latest research and data , concentrating on primal and pressing issues
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 in the world. Assignments and homework for pupils became intricate , requiring
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
submerge
Wrong verb form
be submerged
show examples
 into reasons, consequences and solutions for each topic .As an example, students of public
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 in Kazakhstan
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
 their own
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 and projects in geography classes , some of them participate in international competitions and debate clubs where they discuss how they can solve these
problems
.
While
 aging, most of the
adults
 forget about ecological
problems
 and become less concerned since they have
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 to run and
jod
Correct your spelling
jobs
 to do. Revealed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 It is the older generation who adversely impact the
environment
, overutilizing natural resources and emitting toxic gases into the air
due to
 their careless behaviour and attitude.
Favoring
Change the spelling
Favouring
show examples
this
 point, the latest research discovered that only 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the population in Astana commit to AN eco-friendly lifestyle , which are adolescents,youngsters and early
adults
. In conclusion,
children
 are more aware of global
problems
 relating to the
environment
 because of their concerns about
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 and advanced education .
While
adults
, tend to overlook and damage ecology for their own profit.
Submitted by zhaniya.azhdarova on

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task achievement
While the main ideas are clear, provide more varied and elaborated supporting points throughout the essay. This would help to make the arguments stronger and more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating more seamless and natural transitions between paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Pay attention to the detail in punctuation and minor grammatical errors to make your writing more polished and professional.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt, providing a relevant response with examples and explanations.
coherence and cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a complete structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Conscious
  • Environmental studies
  • Tech-savvy
  • Firsthand experiences
  • Conservation efforts
  • Activism
  • Sustainable habits
  • Scarcity
  • Practical understanding
  • Incorporates
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