It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishments' is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
#children #difference #right #age #punishments #distinction #sort #punishment #parents #teachers #behavior
One of the primary essential
thing
that can be done to Change to a plural noun
things
kids
is teaching them to understand the distincts
between what is good and what is bad. I strongly agree thatCorrect your spelling
distinctions
distinct
,
various forms of punishments Remove the comma
apply
such
as banning the usage of items they like playing with most and rewarding for
a good deed are major things that can be done in order to rectify Correct pronoun usage
them for
childern's
bad behaviours by either the educators or the guardians though guiding and counselling might Correct your spelling
children's
also
assist some kids
.
To begin
with, since we are in the 21st century, we have advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
of
technology and most Change preposition
in
children
are glued to computers or laptops playing online games. Parents can make use of that chance to change behaviour
of the Add an article
the behaviour
kids
who are not behaving as per expectations of the set rules and regulations. For instance
, a study recently done in the USA by students at Florida University showed that restricting children
from playing games had a great impact towards behaviour transformation. That is
, the bad habits were converted to good deeds by children
of 5-14 years of age. Additionally
, awarding for every good action done by the kids
will motivate them to stay positive and follow what is right because they will not only be interested with
the performance, but Change preposition
in
also
the gifts that they will obtain at the end
. To explain this
, young kids
have a tendancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
of liking
gifts very much, Change preposition
to like
therefore
, the strategy will be beneficial in shaping their behaviours.
However
, some kids
who are doing the wrong things might not benefit from the punishments therefore
counselling will be of help to them because the more they get punished the more resistant they become.
In conclusion, my opinion is that,
banning games and Remove the comma
apply
rewarding
are crucial in shaping Replace the word
rewards
children
's behaviour although
, couselling
might help in a way.Correct your spelling
counselling
Submitted by janenjeru6 on
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task achievement
Ensure there is consistent use of subjects and pronouns. For example, 'kids' and 'children' should be used interchangeably with consistency. Also, 'guiding and counselling might also assist some kids' could be better phrased as 'guidance and counseling might also assist some children.'
task achievement
Try to avoid repetitive words and use synonyms to add variety to your writing. Words like 'behaviour' are repeated often; alternatives like 'conduct' or 'actions' can be used instead.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear main point and sticks to it. The paragraph on parents restricting games and the one on rewarding good behavior could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more focused development of each point.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic, which is a good start.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the Florida University study, which helps to support your argument effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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