IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #salaries #country #governments #level
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The practice when governments restrain salaries is well known.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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people
Use synonyms
polarazed
Correct your spelling
polarized
 on supporters and opponents of the phenomenon.
This
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 essay will explore both
view
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views
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 and I will give my personal opinion
why
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on why
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such
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 regulation should not be implemented.
To begin
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 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social cohesion as the positive factor of a
hight
Correct your spelling
high
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salaries
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salary
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 limitation will be considered.
For instance
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, in Finland, the place where my classmate
live
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lives
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, the gap between rich citizens and individuals with
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 income is pretty minute. So, many
people
Use synonyms
 in the country feel equality and justice. Alternatively, the situation in Egipt, where extremely wealthy
housholds
Correct your spelling
households
 lived in one
areas
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area
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 with poor ones before crowds of
people
Use synonyms
 swiped the government with rich
people
Use synonyms
 out, destroying half of the country. The escaping of
exeptional
Correct your spelling
exceptional
talants
Correct your spelling
talents
talent
 to other countries is the negative side of
wages
Fix the agreement mistake
wage
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 constrain.
This
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 is because, for many
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people
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people,
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 the main motivation is
the
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apply
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income and professionals may move to a country where the salary is higher. To illustrate
this
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, we can look at France
,
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apply
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 when the authorities had increased taxes for top managers,
thousands
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thousands of
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people
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 changed their residentship.
As a result
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, the lack of professionals and the economic slowdown.
In addition
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,
absence
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the absence
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 of the desire to move forward in
career
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the career
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 ladder is the second reason against making upper frames for money that employees can earn.
In other words
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, workers may not want to rise in a company because
the
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their
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 salary will not increase.
Such
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 experience
exist
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existed
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 in
Soviet
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the Soviet
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 Union, when engineers earned the same
financies
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finances
financiers
 as workers did and representatives of
low ranked
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low-ranked
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stuff
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staff
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 did not want to grow.
To conclude
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, the law of not allowing salaries to be higher than a certain level has many cases of most
talanted
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talented
people
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 lost and the lack of motivation to rise in a job position. I consider that
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 drawbacks of
such
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 practice
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the risk of growing an envy
to
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of
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richest
Correct article usage
the richest
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.
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

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task response
Make sure to thoroughly analyze and respond to both views in the essay. Provide detailed examples for both perspectives to build a more robust argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more thorough and clear thesis statement in the introduction, clearly outlining what the essay will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.
supported main points
Enhance your support for main points by providing more specific and relevant examples, making your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
You’ve demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and have provided relevant points for both sides of the argument.
introduction conclusion present
You’ve included an introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your essay effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • incentivize
  • discrepancy
  • inequality
  • social cohesion
  • equitable distribution
  • wealth concentration
  • talent retention
  • global competitiveness
  • social unrest
  • innovate
  • government intervention
  • salary cap
What to do next:
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