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Writing Samples /
Band 2

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development
The better
appearance
Correct pronoun usage
your appearance
show examples
 , the more
respectful
Replace the word
respect
show examples
 you
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
. Nowadays,
people
 judge others by
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 appearance in only one second.
Therefore
 , the number of
plastic
surgery
 is increasing. Makeup can make some of
thier appearnaces
Correct your spelling
their appearance
 different.
However
, it cannot change
anatomical
Correct article usage
the anatomical
show examples
 structures of the face.
Plastic
surgery
 can make a lot of differences
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the shape of noses, the contour of
cheek bones
Correct your spelling
cheekbones
show examples
,
double
Correct word choice
and double
show examples
 eyelids.
Moreover
,
standard
Add an article
the standard
show examples
 of beauty
changes
Wrong verb form
has changed
show examples
 a lot from the past. Many
people
 want to
follw
Correct your spelling
follow
this
 trend. So , they try to change
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 looks by using
plastic
surgery
. I think
plastic
surgery
 is good
to make
Change preposition
for making
show examples
people
 more confident with their looks. Increasing
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 self-esteem can make them more productive in many ways.
However
, they should
remind
Verb problem
remember
show examples
 that sometimes there are complications from
surgery
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 infection, bleeding ,
risk
Correct word choice
and risk
show examples
 during anesthesia.
Plastic
surgery
 can
also
 make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
addict
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 by increasing the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 perfection on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
face
Fix the agreement mistake
faces
show examples
.
Submitted by itsmeatommm on

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introduction
Consider starting your essay with a clear and concise introduction that outlines your main points or thesis statement. This can help set the stage for your reader and provide a roadmap for your essay.
conclusion
Try to add a concluding paragraph that summarizes your points and makes clear your overall stance on the issue. This will help to provide a sense of closure and completeness to your essay.
examples
While the essay touches on relevant points, adding more specific examples or evidence could help to strengthen your arguments. Think of including personal anecdotes or referencing studies/statistics where appropriate.
grammar
Ensure to proofread your work for minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. For example, 'thier' should be 'their' and missing punctuation like 'respectful you received.' would benefit from revision to 'respect you receive.'
task response
You have clearly addressed the main question, explaining why people choose cosmetic surgery and giving your opinion on whether it is a positive or negative development.
logical structure
Your essay presents a logical flow, progressing from reasons why people choose cosmetic surgery to your personal opinion on its effects.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have examined both positive and negative aspects of cosmetic surgery, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: