in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. some people say an ageing population creates problemds for governments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. to what extend do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #people #population #problemds #governments #society

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology is

developed

Wrong verb form

developing

show examples

fast,

human's

Change noun form

human

show examples

life expectancy is going higher and the proportion of elderly

people

Use synonyms

is getting larger than

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

past. In

this

Linking Words

trend, some

people

Use synonyms

argue that

increasing

Correct article usage

the increasing

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

ageing population

makes

Verb problem

creates

show examples

problems for governments.

Otherwise

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

say that governments will get more advantages with

this

Linking Words

. In

this

Linking Words

debate, I agree

with

Change preposition

that

show examples

there are more disadvantages

Change preposition

show examples

rising

Add an article

the rising

a rising

show examples

ageing population.

First,

Linking Words

as the focus of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society moves to the

old

Fix the agreement mistake

older

show examples

generation, the effort that governments can put into the 20s-30s generations will get lower and it leads to losing the power of the nation and restricting development. The main subjects who are going to lead a future society are current young adult

classes

Use synonyms

. The government has to support them by helping them to get a job easily, to have a proper house and to get a high-quality education.

However

Linking Words

, the portion of elderly

classes

Use synonyms

get

Correct subject-verb agreement

gets

show examples

higher

then

Linking Words

public systems for young

people

Use synonyms

will not considered very well and it will

occur

Verb problem

cause

show examples

serious

probelm

Correct your spelling

problem

problems

in the future.

Second,

Linking Words

there is no big profit that the public government can earn from old

people

Use synonyms

. There might be some

case

Fix the agreement mistake

cases

show examples

that

Change preposition

show examples

over

Correct pronoun usage

which over

show examples

60s generations can be greeted

from

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show examples

the company

hoped

Wrong verb form

hoping

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their long life experiences will

be helped

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

to run the company.

However

Linking Words

usually

Add a comma

usually,

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they cannot have an important role in the workplace because of their age and physical or mental ability.

For example

Linking Words

, the portion of elderly

classes

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in Korea

was

Wrong verb form

has been

show examples

large since 2015.

And looking

Correct word choice

Looking

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for

Change preposition

show examples

the statistics GDP figure of Korea,

it did

Verb problem

has

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not

increase

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

since 2015.

This

Linking Words

showed

Wrong verb form

shows

show examples

there is no benefit in

Add an article

the economical

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economical

Replace the word

economic

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area when

ageing

Add an article

the ageing

an ageing

show examples

population gets bigger. In conclusion, I think a big proportion of

old

Fix the agreement mistake

the older

show examples

generations has disadvantages, which leads

weak

Change preposition

to weak

show examples

development in

Add an article

the economy

show examples

economy

Replace the word

economic

show examples

field and less support for youth

classes

Use synonyms

. For decades, many sociologists made an announcement we need to prepare an effective solution to solve

this

Linking Words

problem and I

also

Linking Words

agree with

this

Linking Words

opinion.

Submitted by starmino0113 on Sun Jul 21 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Your introduction is clear and sets up the argument well. However, be careful with minor language errors such as 'As the technology is developed fast'. It would be better to say 'As technology develops rapidly'.

supported main points

Your main points are generally clear and logically structured, but they could be better supported with more specific examples and reliable data. Try to dig deeper to provide a stronger foundation for your arguments.

logical structure

Be cautious with your language choice and sentence structure. For example, 'Otherwise, some people say that governments will get more advantages with this' could be rephrased to 'On the other hand, some believe that this trend offers more advantages to the government'.

complete response

While you do address both sides of the argument, you could make your stance clearer and ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are covered more comprehensively.

logical structure

Try to vary your sentence structures and make use of linking words to improve the coherence and flow of your essay. Phrases like 'On the contrary', 'Moreover', 'In addition' can help in making arguments more cohesive.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are both present and provide a good framework for your argument.

complete response

The essay does cover the main aspects of the task, presenting arguments and counterarguments effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

326 words

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, fashion brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage from using their cars?

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Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Others, however, believe that these problems cannot be solved if individuals do not take actions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.