Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In today’s society, various forms of marketing are increasingly popular for businesses to boost their number of consumers.
One
can assert that it can successfully persuade people to purchase items.
However
, it can be argued that it is useless to increase the selling rate. In
this
essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
discuss both
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
views. From my perspective, I agree with
this
statement to a certain extent.
Firstly
, advertisements are useful to a certain extent because they help to raise awareness.
For example
,
posters
are usually labelled on the
wall
Fix the agreement mistake
walls
show examples
of the streets, which attracts people’s attention.
As a consequence
,
one
can assert that it enables them to be aware of specific
products
that the
posters
are advertising.
Hence
, they are more likely to buy the goods.
However
,
one
can argue that it may not necessarily happen to everyone. Some people may often stay indoors, rather than outdoors, and tend to see
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
advertisements. So they will not be persuaded to consume things.
Therefore
,
although
we can deny that they are helpless to increase customers to a certain extent,
one
can advocate that there are still benefits.
Furthermore
, advertising is essential because it allows citizens to have more insights into the
products
.
For instance
, the advantages of the
products
are usually written
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the advertisements.
As a result
, people who don’t have sufficient information on the details of the product
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can quickly identify the benefits of it to them, who
then
tend to purchase them.
On the other hand
,
one
can refute that there are
also
disadvantages that individuals themselves have acknowledged beforehand.
Thus
, they will not change their minds to buy the
products
after seeing the
posters
.
Consequently
,
nevertheless
,
one
could question that the number of consumers will not potentially rise,
one
could claim that it certainly helps to influence consumers’ minds. In conclusion, there are both positive and negative factors of advertising. I personally believe that it can enormously persuade them to buy things as the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. With a widespread of
posters
, they
then
would be able to gain more insights about the
products
.
Submitted by cherrychan926 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your task achievement is good, but you need to ensure your arguments are more clearly explained and comprehensively covered. Address all parts of the task adequately and make sure you provide a balanced discussion for both views.
coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, try to structure your paragraphs more logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and follow it up with supporting details. Avoid unnecessary repetition and keep your points concise and to the point.
introduction conclusion present
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your essay well.
relevant specific examples
You provided specific examples to support your arguments, which enhances the task achievement.
complete response
Your essay covers both views, showing that you understand the task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: