Many offenders commit more crimes after serving first punishment. Why is this happening? What measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures

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It is widely acknowledged that many

criminals

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tend to be involved in more crimes after their

first

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prison sentence.

This

Linking Words

phenomenon happened because of two major factors which are lack of

rehabilitation

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and difficulty to find a

job

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and the possible solution will be explained more in

this

Linking Words

essay.

Linking Words

First

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rehabilitation

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can be a key to guaranteeing a better future for

prisoners

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however

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not all

prisoners

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have a good

rehabilitation

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program

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. Currently, not all prisons have good

rehabilitation

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program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

show examples

that provide relevant skills and activities that are needed in

society

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and jobs recently. The second reason is the difficulty of finding a

job

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for offenders. Commonly, some jobs and societies do not accept

criminals

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because they have some stereotype that offenders are bad people,

hence

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they do not accept them as their employees.

Therefore

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, there can be some reasons why

criminals

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choose to

Verb problem

commit

show examples

crimes again after they get the

first

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punishment.

However

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, the problem can be solved with the support of the government and

society

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Linking Words

First

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prison

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prisons

show examples

can create

rehabilitation

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evaluation

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evaluations

show examples

to create more programs that

suitable

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are suitable

show examples

for

today

Change noun form

today's

show examples

world and enhance

Correct article usage

the skill

show examples

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

people in prison.

Additionally

Linking Words

society

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such

Linking Words

community

Correct article usage

the community

show examples

and company have give

Correct pronoun usage

them a

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chance for criminal to be a better person

with

Change preposition

show examples

creating

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program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

show examples

that

involving

Wrong verb form

involve

show examples

prisoners

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and

giving

Wrong verb form

give

show examples

equal

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

for

job

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opening for

prisoners

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Thus

Linking Words

, they can

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be actively

show examples

actively

Change the word

active

show examples

society

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and get a

joob

Correct your spelling

job

to prevent

pepople

Correct your spelling

people

with

crime

Add an article

a crime

show examples

criminal

Fix the agreement mistake

criminals

show examples

in the future.

To conclude

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, many

criminals

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involve

Verb problem

commit

show examples

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

after

get

Change the verb form

getting

show examples

initial punishment

due to

Linking Words

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

rehabilitation

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program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

show examples

and difficulty

find

Change the form of the verb

finding

show examples

job

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However

Linking Words

, with

supported

Change the form of the verb

support

show examples

from government and the

society

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such

Linking Words

as creating good

rehabilitation

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program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

show examples

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

involving them in

society

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and equal

job

Use synonyms

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

the issue can be tackled.

Submitted by writingbersama on Sun Jul 21 2024

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task achievement

While the essay presents clear ideas that are relevant to the topic, providing more specific examples and real-life scenarios can help strengthen the argument and make it more convincing.

coherence cohesion

There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in the essay. It would be beneficial to proofread your work or seek feedback from someone proficient in English writing to help refine the language.

coherence cohesion

Linking words such as 'however', 'first', and 'therefore' are used effectively. Still, more varied connecting phrases could improve the flow and coherence of the essay.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task and provides a clear response to the reasons behind recidivism and possible measures to tackle the problem.

coherence cohesion

The structure of the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion is clear and logically organized.

task achievement

Relevant solutions are proposed, demonstrating an understanding of the topic and an ability to think critically about it.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

recidivism
rehabilitation programs
social stigma
ex-convicts
reintegration
support systems
mental health issues
addiction problems
criminal networks
incarceration

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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving first punishment. Why is this happening? What measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same job. What problemes does this came? What are some possibles solutions?

Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion.

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reason why someone should pearn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.