IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

#people #parents #decisions #lives
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Yes, it is true that in the past
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
time,
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youngsters
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 took
decisions
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 with the help of their
parents
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,
however
Linking Words
 nowadays they take
decisions
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by
Change preposition
on
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 their own. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
during
Change preposition
in
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 the past
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time
Add a comma
time,
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 adults were
depended
Replace the word
dependent
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 on their
parents
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while
Linking Words
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
decisions
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 about their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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,
career
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careers
show examples
 and
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. As they
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 in joint families, they have emotional connections and
bond
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bonds
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 with their
parents
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 and other members of the family. Because they
thouht
Correct your spelling
think
their
parents
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 have more experience
about
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
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 so they can
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 better
decisions
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 with the help of their
parents
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in the old
days
Add a comma
days,
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youngsters
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tend
Wrong verb form
tended
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 to
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
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arrrange
Correct your spelling
arrange
arranged
 marriages in which their
parents
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select
Wrong verb form
selected
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 bride or groom so these marriages are
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
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 as compared to today's trend.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 modern
era
Add a comma
era,
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youngsters
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 are independent, they
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decisions
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 about their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
,
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and
life
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by
Change preposition
on
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 their own. As they live in nuclear families, they do not like any interference from their
parents
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 in their lives because they think their
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parents
Change noun form
parents'
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 thinking
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not match with the modernization, their
parents
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 follow the traditional and cultural values
while
Linking Words
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
 important
decisions
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 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
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. They even do not like to spend
time
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 with their
parents
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 because they spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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most of
the
Change the word
their
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time
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 on social networking sites.
For instance
Linking Words
,
youngsters
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 tend to do love marriages, as they do not like any kind of interference in their personal
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 do not take advice from their
parents
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while
Linking Words
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
decisions
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. In a nutshell,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters
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 are independent in the modern world with the effect of
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 culture, they do not like interference
of
Change preposition
from
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 their
parents
Use synonyms
. I think adults should discuss with their
parents
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while
Linking Words
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
important
decisions
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 about their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
, career and
life
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, it will be helpful for them to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 better
decisions
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 in any situation of their
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by parwinderk7878 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, but it can be improved by adding more specific examples that illustrate your points. For instance, include real-life examples or studies that show how young people today are more independent in making decisions.
coherence cohesion
The organization of your essay is generally good, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try using more linking words and phrases to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant; however, they could be supported with more evidence. Expanding on the reasons why young people today prefer to be independent and how social networking sites influence their decision-making could be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
You have included relevant points discussing both past and present scenarios, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
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