IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

#people #parents #decisions #lives
Yes, it is true that in the past
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
youngsters
 took
decisions
 with the help of their
parents
,
however
 nowadays they take
decisions
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own. I completely agree with
this
 notion.
To begin
 with,
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the past
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 adults were
depended
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on their
parents
while
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
decisions
 about their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
,
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. As they
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in joint families, they have emotional connections and
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
 with their
parents
 and other members of the family. Because they
thouht
Correct your spelling
think
their
parents
 have more experience
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 so they can
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 better
decisions
 with the help of their
parents
.
For example
, in the old
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
youngsters
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
arrrange
Correct your spelling
arrange
arranged
 marriages in which their
parents
select
Wrong verb form
selected
show examples
 bride or groom so these marriages are
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
 as compared to today's trend.
On the other hand
, in
this
 modern
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
youngsters
 are independent, they
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decisions
 about their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
,
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and
life
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own. As they live in nuclear families, they do not like any interference from their
parents
 in their lives because they think their
parents
Change noun form
parents'
show examples
 thinking
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not match with the modernization, their
parents
 follow the traditional and cultural values
while
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
 important
decisions
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
. They even do not like to spend
time
 with their
parents
 because they spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
 on social networking sites.
For instance
,
youngsters
 tend to do love marriages, as they do not like any kind of interference in their personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 do not take advice from their
parents
while
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
decisions
. In a nutshell,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters
 are independent in the modern world with the effect of
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 culture, they do not like interference
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
parents
. I think adults should discuss with their
parents
while
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
important
decisions
 about their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
, career and
life
, it will be helpful for them to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 better
decisions
 in any situation of their
life
.
Submitted by parwinderk7878 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, but it can be improved by adding more specific examples that illustrate your points. For instance, include real-life examples or studies that show how young people today are more independent in making decisions.
coherence cohesion
The organization of your essay is generally good, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try using more linking words and phrases to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant; however, they could be supported with more evidence. Expanding on the reasons why young people today prefer to be independent and how social networking sites influence their decision-making could be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
You have included relevant points discussing both past and present scenarios, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

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