Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studing for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
In our society, there are many ways people can learn. Some people believe that university
students
want to learn outside of their major, and others believe that spending their time and effort to
studying for a qualification is more Change preposition
apply
worthy
. I agree with the view that learning about other subjects Replace the word
worthwhile
in addition
to their main subjects is important,
because it can Remove the comma
apply
broad
their field of study.
Granted, focusing on Replace the word
broaden
the
studying for a qualification is significant for their future career. After the university graduation, the Correct article usage
apply
students
should be ready to become a part of the society. Indeed, the realistic preparation for the job to meet the ideal conditions required by the organizations is indispensable for the student. The more they have deep
Add an article
a deep
major
knowledge of the discipline, the higher they can get a job opportunity.
Correct word choice
apply
However
, the importance of interdisciplinary research is increasing these days, which means that the one
who Correct your spelling
those
only
equipped with one major background could be challenged for their employment. Add a missing verb
are only
Also
, the factor of creativity is being emphasized in this
era. Therefore
giving all their time and attention to studying a qualification could hinder students
from creative and innovative thinking. For instance
, Steve Jobs, an American Entrepreneur who
brought Apple from near bankruptcy to profitability. Correct pronoun usage
apply
While
other companies placed emphasis on the function of the computers and phones, Jobs had ideas and emphasized the vital role of aesthetics, design and compact size of the phones. He blended strategic business acumen and design
mindset during a time of technological advancement. His creativity led him to climb the ladder of success and to become the epitome of Correct article usage
a design
the
creativity.
To Correct article usage
apply
summarized
, it is essential for university Wrong verb form
summarise
students
to experience other subjects outside of their major. The background knowledge of various fields of study will definitely improve their understanding of their major subject. Furthermore
, it can be the one direct path to be qualified for the company and the world.Submitted by rainbowlck on
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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your arguments. Including real-world cases or statistics can make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Consider making your main points clearer and more distinct by using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
language
Check for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve the readability and flow of your essay. For example, 'broad' should be 'broaden' and 'to studying' should be 'to study'.
coherence cohesion
Try to use transitional phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'in contrast' to better distinguish the different viewpoints you are discussing.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing both viewpoints, which is crucial for a balanced essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.