IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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Nowadays, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 who have
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
health problems want to try
alternative
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medicines
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 and
treatments
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instead
Linking Words
 of visiting a professional medical centre. Some
people
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 argue that
people
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 cannot believe
an
Correct your spelling
in
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alternative
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treatments
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on the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
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 say there is no problem when we use
it
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them
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. I think except
a
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for a
show examples
few
treatments
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, most of
substitutive
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the substitutive
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 medical methods are negative. Most of
substitutive
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the substitutive
show examples
treatments
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 are medically uncertain. Except
exercising
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for exercising
show examples
, one of the
alternative
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treatments
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, unproven
medicines
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 made by using some natural ingredients are too dangerous to trust and use. Usually, these kinds of
medicines
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 are conveyed through the myth story to and from the mouth of old
people
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 and unfortunately,
people
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 get
dillusion
Correct your spelling
delusion
 from
this
Linking Words
 and start to believe it.
However
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, the fact is very rare supportive ideas about it can be found on the internet.
In other words
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, these
medicines
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 are not
proved
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proven
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 as effective in any scientific way so it is too dangerous to believe and use them. Even though
people
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 need to
warn
Verb problem
take
show examples
alternative
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medicines
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, exercising
such
Linking Words
 as yoga or psychological therapy like art treatment therapy
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 good
treatments
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. These methods
are
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have been
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 proven by professionals for a long time and some
people
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 even study to take related
certification
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certifications
show examples
. Patients who do not want to eat
chemcial
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chemical
 medicine anymore or have a side-effect of it can choose these ways to figure out their health problems. In conclusion,
alternative
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treatments
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 can be divided in two ways. A medicine made from unchemical ingredients and therapy by exercising or
counseling
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counselling
show examples
. I think
Correct article usage
the later
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later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 method is positive but
prior
Correct article usage
the prior
show examples
 method is negative and dangerous.
Submitted by starmino0113 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are addressed directly and comprehensively. Expand on why these methods are positive or negative with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using transition words effectively can aid in making your arguments more seamless and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
In terms of language, ensure clarity and grammatical precision. For instance, avoid small mistakes like "dillusion" instead of "delusion" and "substitutive" when "alternative" is more appropriate.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear position on the topic and has a logical structure.
task achievement
The main points are supported with relevant explanations and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
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