Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?
The migration of youthful
people
from countryside
to megapolises and towns is a growing trend worldwide. Add an article
the countryside
This
shift often results in a demographic imbalance leaving only elderly people
to live in the countryside
that
causes Correct pronoun usage
which
decline
in the workforce. To Add an article
a decline
adress
Correct your spelling
address
this
problem the infrastructure in countryside
should be improved. Add an article
the countryside
This
essay will discuss the problems caused by this
and suggest possible solutions.
The main issue is lack
of young workers in social services like healthcare Correct article usage
the lack
that
causes elderly Correct pronoun usage
which
people
to struggle to get the
access to essential services they need. Correct article usage
apply
This
leads to lower
quality of life for Correct article usage
a lower
auld
citizens. Correct your spelling
all
For instance
, research made by Oxford University students showcases that the percentage of death
rate among old Add an article
the death
people
in countryside
is 25 Add an article
the countryside
percent
higher than in big cities.
The solution could be developing Change the spelling
per cent
countryside
to provide young Correct article usage
the countryside
people
a
better opportunity to work and live. Add the preposition
with a
This
will increase their standard of living and make them stay. For example
, the newspaper reported that countryside
development has decreases
the number of migrants.
In conclusion, the migration of young Change the verb form
decreased
people
from countryside
poses significant challenges to older citizens. Correct article usage
the countryside
However
, development of countryside
Add an article
the countryside
,
Correct word choice
and, creating
Correct article usage
the creating
creating
Replace the word
creation
job
opportunities, it is possible to mitigate Change preposition
of job
this
problem and ensure the balance.Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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coherence
Your introduction is clear, but consider rephrasing for better clarity. For instance: 'The migration of young people from the countryside to cities is a growing trend worldwide, which causes demographic imbalances and declines in the countryside workforce.'
coherence
While the essay generally flows well, there are occasional abrupt transitions. Use more linking words and phrases to improve coherence. For example, in the second body paragraph, begin with 'Therefore' or 'Consequently' before presenting the solution.
coherence
Some phrases are informal or not standard, such as 'auld citizens'. Use 'elderly citizens' instead. Proofread for grammar and punctuation errors.
task achievement
The main points are supported, but providing more specific data or examples can strengthen your argument. For example, you could provide more details on the types of infrastructural improvements needed.
task achievement
The essay should address directly how developing the countryside can create job opportunities. You briefly mentioned it, but it could be expanded further with examples.
coherence
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively identified the key problem and offered a solution.
task achievement
The issue of the elderly struggling to access essential services is clearly explained and relevant.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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