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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
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The line
graph
Use synonyms
 demonstrates the expenditure of meat and
fish
Use synonyms
 in a European country from 1979 to 2004. As shown from the
graph
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, European countries' consumings of
meats
Fix the agreement mistake
meat
show examples
 and
fish
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 was unstable and had fluctuations from
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
point
Use synonyms
 to
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
.
Chicken
Use synonyms
 and
beef
Use synonyms
 had the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 rate,
however
Linking Words
,
lamb
Use synonyms
 and
fish
Use synonyms
 always were in the lowest degree.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
chicken
Use synonyms
 and
lamb
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 started from above 150 grams and 90 grams
with
Change preposition
in
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 opposite directions from each other.
Chicken
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 started to
increase
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while
Linking Words
lamb
Use synonyms
 struggled until 1984.
Chicken
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 and
lamb
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 had
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
increase
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 in 1989, but in 1994
lamb
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 faced with decrease
while
Linking Words
chicken
Use synonyms
 consumption boomed.
Chicken
Use synonyms
's expenditure continued to grow,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
lamb
Use synonyms
 faced with gradual decrease in 1999.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2004, both of them had little
increase
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
beef
Use synonyms
 and
fish
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 are opposite to each other.
Beef
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 started from the highest
point
Use synonyms
 in the
graph
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
fish
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 started from the lowest
point
Use synonyms
 in the
graph
Use synonyms
.
Fish
Use synonyms
consumings was
Verb problem
consumption
show examples
 fluctuated in its initial
point
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 from start to
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
end.
Beef
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 consumption had
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
increase
Use synonyms
 in 1984.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, fish, point, chicken, beef, lamb, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • fish
  • meat
  • poultry
  • beef
  • lamb
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • gradual
  • significant
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • trough
  • steady
  • correlation
  • period
  • data
  • comparison
  • predominant
  • kilograms per capita
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
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