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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
#consumption #fish #kinds #meat #european #country
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The line
graph
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 demonstrates the expenditure of meat and
fish
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 in a European country from 1979 to 2004. As shown from the
graph
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, European countries' consumings of
meats
Fix the agreement mistake
meat
show examples
 and
fish
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 was unstable and had fluctuations from
highest
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the highest
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point
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 to
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
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.
Chicken
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 and
beef
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 had the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 rate,
however
Linking Words
,
lamb
Use synonyms
 and
fish
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 always were in the lowest degree.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
chicken
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 and
lamb
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 started from above 150 grams and 90 grams
with
Change preposition
in
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 opposite directions from each other.
Chicken
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 started to
increase
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while
Linking Words
lamb
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 struggled until 1984.
Chicken
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 and
lamb
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 had
steady
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a steady
show examples
increase
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 in 1989, but in 1994
lamb
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 faced with decrease
while
Linking Words
chicken
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 consumption boomed.
Chicken
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's expenditure continued to grow,
in
Change preposition
on
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand,
lamb
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 faced with gradual decrease in 1999.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2004, both of them had little
increase
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
beef
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 and
fish
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 are opposite to each other.
Beef
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 started from the highest
point
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 in the
graph
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
fish
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 started from the lowest
point
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 in the
graph
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.
Fish
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consumings was
Verb problem
consumption
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 fluctuated in its initial
point
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 from start to
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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end.
Beef
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 consumption had
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
increase
Use synonyms
 in 1984.
Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, fish, point, chicken, beef, lamb, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • fish
  • meat
  • poultry
  • beef
  • lamb
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • gradual
  • significant
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • trough
  • steady
  • correlation
  • period
  • data
  • comparison
  • predominant
  • kilograms per capita
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
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