IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The most important aim of science should be to improve the people's lives . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
These days ,
science
 has become a crucial segment of our lives. Some
people
 assume that the core objective of
science
 should be to better the human's lives . I totally agree with
this
 idea and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
,
science
 enlarged the average life span of
people
 . In recent years, seven out of eight babies died before reaching their first birthday but now with the advancement in the medical field diseases can be easily controlled.
For instance
, in 2022, American laboratories discovered the COVID-19 vaccine which saved the lives of numerous
people
 across the whole world .
Furthermore
,transportation has become more convenient due the
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 innovations.
For example
 ,
last
 year in India NASA inaugurated the automatic driverless train which made the life of
people
 too much comfortable . It
also
 reduced the travel time and
connects
Wrong verb form
connected
show examples
 several stations from Delhi to Hyderabad.
Conversely
, excessive use of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 makes the children dull and unhealthy because they spend most of their time on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 which weakens their eyesight and they
also
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 tired. In conclusion, the main objective of technology must be to
facilitate
Verb problem
provide
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 with modern amenities. I personally think that
science
 should make more innovation for the betterment of society .
Submitted by mianraza686 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. While they are present, more specific context about why you agree would strengthen your argument.
supported main points
Ensure each main point is fully developed and clearly explained. For example, adding more details about how scientific advancements in transportation improve lives could enhance your point.
relevant specific examples
While you have given examples, more varied and detailed examples could enrich your essay further. Consider adding examples beyond the medical and transportation fields to show a broader understanding of science's impact.
logical structure
Your essay has a solid logical structure, making it easy to follow your main arguments.
supported main points
You appropriately highlighted significant scientific advancements in medicine and transportation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!