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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is better for high school students to study a wide range of subjects than to focus on a narrow range of subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
society
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societies
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 believe that studying a wide
range
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 of
subjects
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 in school is essential for high school
students
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,
while
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 some argue that being focused only on several
subjects
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 is better. In my opinion, I agree that being focused on a specific
ranges
Correct the article-noun agreement
range
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 of
subjects
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 is a better option, considering the advantages that it has.
To begin
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 with, focusing only on a narrow
range
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 of
subjects
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 provides you more time to do other errands or activities,
such
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us
Correct your spelling
as
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 hobbies. It is undeniable that learning some academic matters is crucial.
However
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, doing other activities is
also
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 important as well to keep our emotional health fit, considering that studying is likely stressful for some people.
For example
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, if they keep the balance between learning and doing
such
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 good activities, they will be less stressed because the body will stimulate hormones to reduce overwhelming feelings.
Moreover
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, learning
less
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fewer
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subjects
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 consistently helps
students
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 to gain more information about the
subjects
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. I believe that
students
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 who are learning
wide
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a wide
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range
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 of
studies
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 will have lots of materials to read, making them have
difficult
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difficulty
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in
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apply
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understanding or to memorize the information provided.
In contrast
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,
students
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 who have
small
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a small
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range
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 of
studies
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 have more possibilities to gain and retain what they read,
thus
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, they have
profound
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a profound
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 understanding
about
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of
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 the materials.
For instance
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, it is seen that people can be experts in any field because they did not study
wide
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a wide
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range
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 of
subjects
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, but learned and focused on one single subject that eventually made them
as
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apply
show examples
expertises
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expertise
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 in their fields. In conclusion, learning all
studies
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 leads
students
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 to have less time to do other errands and makes them struggle to obtain
further
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 information about specific
studies
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.
Consequently
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, it is better
to
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for
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students
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 to pick the
subjects
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 that they like in order to be experts.

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task achievement
Your essay generally addresses the prompt and contains relevant arguments. However, you should ensure that each point is fully developed and supported with more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next and that all sentences within a paragraph follow a clear, coherent line of thought.
grammar vocabulary
You might want to work on expanding your vocabulary to make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points you discussed are relevant to the prompt and present a clear stance on the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded
  • interdisciplinary
  • curriculum
  • specialization
  • mastery
  • core curriculum
  • elective options
  • educational systems
  • extracurricular activities
  • job market trends
  • skill set
  • academic rigor
  • vocational skills
  • cognitive flexibility
  • career trajectory
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