IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

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As the human population grows, there will be
a significant necessities
Correct the article-noun agreement
a significant necessity
significant necessities
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 for energy sources of oil and gas. Even though some
people
Use synonyms
 agree that
people
Use synonyms
 should be obtaining more
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 of energy in the deep ground by expanding the mining area, some others argue that taking oil and gas in untouched natural areas endangers the biosystem and its
people
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. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the advantages do not outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, expanding mining
area
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areas
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 by damaging natural places will decrease the existing natural ecosystem. It is undeniable that
forests
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 are homes for wild
animal
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animals
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,
such
Linking Words
 as
lion
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lions
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,
tiger
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tigers
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, and other vulnerable-to-extinct animals. If their habitats are demolished, they will not be able to survive,
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of
source
Correct article usage
a source
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 of food and place to live.
For instance
Linking Words
, deforestation for mining
purpose
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purposes
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 in Indonesia has started for decades or even a century, leading
a
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to a
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massive biodiversity
declining
Wrong verb form
decline
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such
Linking Words
an
Correct your spelling
as
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Correct article usage
the extintion
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extintion
Correct your spelling
extinction
extension
 of Java tigers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, cutting
forests
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 for mining
purpose
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purposes
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 can be harmful for human beings. As
forests
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 are the second largest oxygen producer on earth after
planktons
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plankton
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 in the oceans, they have a huge impact
for
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on
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people
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's
life
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lives
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 because all living creatures need oxygen to
breath
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breathe
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. If the sources of oxygen decrease, all creatures will be struggling in life. Other than that,
forests
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also
Linking Words
take
Verb problem
play
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 a major role in preventing global warming and managing the air temperature.
People
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 worldwide believe that global warming
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 has been happening for years is one
of
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apply
show examples
examples
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example
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 of the impact of deforestation. In conclusion,
people
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 should not destroy natural places just to get their resources, considering the negative impacts
to
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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. In order to prevent that from happening, governments and energy companies have to take
step
Add an article
a step
show examples
 forward, think meticulously, and consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both advantages and
disadvanatges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, which is excellent. Make sure to maintain this clarity throughout the essay.
task achievement
Consider diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structures to make your arguments more compelling and nuanced.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is mostly cohesive, but a few transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, use transitional phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', or 'On the other hand'.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a single focus and that all sentences contribute to the main idea of the paragraph. This will help maintain a clear logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
You have identified key points in your argument and supported them with examples, such as the example of deforestation in Indonesia.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented
  • unspoiled
  • hydrocarbon exploration
  • biodiversity
  • sustainable energy
  • renewable resources
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental degradation
  • ecosystem conservation
  • indigenous rights
  • climate resilience
  • habitat destruction
  • infrastructure development
  • technological advancements
  • economic stimulus
  • social unrest
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
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