With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?
As the human population grows, there will be
a significant necessities
for energy sources of oil and gas. Even though some Correct the article-noun agreement
a significant necessity
significant necessities
people
agree that people
should be obtaining more source
of energy in the deep ground by expanding the mining area, some others argue that taking oil and gas in untouched natural areas endangers the biosystem and its Fix the agreement mistake
sources
people
. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the advantages do not outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
with, expanding mining area
by damaging natural places will decrease the existing natural ecosystem. It is undeniable that Fix the agreement mistake
areas
forests
are homes for wild animal
, Change the noun form
animals
such
as lion
, Fix the agreement mistake
lions
tiger
, and other vulnerable-to-extinct animals. If their habitats are demolished, they will not be able to survive, Fix the agreement mistake
tigers
due to
the lack of source
of food and place to live. Correct article usage
a source
For instance
, deforestation for mining purpose
in Indonesia has started for decades or even a century, leadingFix the agreement mistake
purposes
a
massive biodiversity Change preposition
to a
declining
Wrong verb form
decline
such
an
Correct your spelling
as
Correct article usage
the extintion
extintion
of Java tigers.
Correct your spelling
extinction
extension
Moreover
, cutting forests
for mining purpose
can be harmful for human beings. As Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
forests
are the second largest oxygen producer on earth after planktons
in the oceans, they have a huge impact Fix the agreement mistake
plankton
for
Change preposition
on
people
's life
because all living creatures need oxygen to Fix the agreement mistake
lives
breath
. If the sources of oxygen decrease, all creatures will be struggling in life. Other than that, Replace the word
breathe
forests
also
take
a major role in preventing global warming and managing the air temperature. Verb problem
play
People
worldwide believe that global warming that
has been happening for years is one Correct pronoun usage
which
of
Change preposition
apply
examples
of the impact of deforestation.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
example
people
should not destroy natural places just to get their resources, considering the negative impacts to
Change preposition
on
the
lifeCorrect article usage
apply
being
. In order to prevent that from happening, governments and energy companies have to take Unnecessary verb
apply
step
forward, think meticulously, and consider Add an article
a step
about
both advantages and Change preposition
apply
disadvanatges
.Correct your spelling
disadvantages
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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, which is excellent. Make sure to maintain this clarity throughout the essay.
task achievement
Consider diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structures to make your arguments more compelling and nuanced.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is mostly cohesive, but a few transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, use transitional phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', or 'On the other hand'.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a single focus and that all sentences contribute to the main idea of the paragraph. This will help maintain a clear logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
You have identified key points in your argument and supported them with examples, such as the example of deforestation in Indonesia.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...