The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.

The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different

activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.
The two pie graphs detail statistics about the timetable of employed adults in an unnamed nation from 1958 to 2008.
Overall
, most activities recorded a higher rate of
time
allocation except for bedtime and spending
time
with loved ones which both saw a downswing.
Moreover
, people in
this
country
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
more
time
at work than any other pursuits. Performing their work duties, having a sleep and going out with friends and relatives contributed to the majority of
time
spent by employees in
this
country. In 1958, they allocated a minimally higher proportion of
time
at the workplace than sleeping, at 33% and 32%, respectively.
While
the former increased by 9%, a 7% reduction was seen in the percentage of the latter in 2008. Meanwhile, accompanying friends and family members for entertainment dropped from 19% to 6% during the recorded period. Concerning other activities, downtime at home accounted for 8% at the beginning before increasing to 13% by the end.
Similarly
,
time
allotted for other hobbies and sports activities
also
rose, but more slowly, from 6% to 8%.
In contrast
, starting in 1958 at the lowest result of 2%, the figure for commuting increased fourfold to 8% fifty years later, which surpassed going out.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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