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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the results of a questionnaire that asked visitors to the Parkway Hotel how they rated the hotel's customer service. The same questionnaire was given to 100 guests in the years 2005 and 2010.

The charts below show the results of a questionnaire that asked visitors to the Parkway Hotel how they rated the hotel's customer service. The same questionnaire was given to 100 guests in the years 2005 and 2010.
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The
given
Verb problem
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pie charts compare the views of
people
Use synonyms
 who utilized the Parkway
Use synonyms
hotel
Capitalize word
Hotel
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 customer service in the years
of
Change preposition
apply
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2005 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 2010 the point of
people
Use synonyms
 who used
to
Change preposition
apply
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this
Linking Words
hotel
Use synonyms
 was significantly higher than
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
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in 2005 result. It can be seen that, in 2005 the score of
people
Use synonyms
 who commented
satisfactory
Replace the word
satisfied
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to
Change preposition
with
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this
Linking Words
hotel
Use synonyms
 was as
highest
Replace the word
high
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 as those of other
comments
Use synonyms
 with 45%. The score of
people
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 who said poor to
this
Linking Words
hotel
Use synonyms
stanted
Correct your spelling
stayed
 at 21%
with
Change preposition
apply
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following far behind to previous comment. In terms of other
comments
Use synonyms
, they were made up
at
Change preposition
of
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 34 per cent
colectively
Correct your spelling
collectively
. In 2010, the
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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comments
Use synonyms
 which were  voted to Parkway
Use synonyms
hotel
Capitalize word
Hotel
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 were higher than those of the percentage of other
comments
Use synonyms
.The comment which was said good , it increased by 25 per cent from 14%to 39%. Another interesting point from the chart is that
,
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 the percentage of
comment
Fix the agreement mistake
comments
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 which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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told
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
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satisfactory decreased steadily
with17
Correct your spelling
with 17
% if we compare the result of 2005. In terms of
other figure
Change the wording
another figure
other figures
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 of
Fix the agreement mistake
comments
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comment
Add a comma
comment,
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 they
were not changed
Change the verb form
have not changed
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 significantly apart from the proportion of
comment
Fix the agreement mistake
comments
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 which was considered
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poor comment.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, hotel, comments with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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