IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people,however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is debatable
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
whether economic progress should be
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasised
show examples
 as a top priority among other aspects for the government worldwide, others argue that other types of progress are equally vital for the nation's success. Both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and opinion toward
this
Linking Words
 controversial topic will be elaborated on in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it may
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 sensible for some to believe that economics should be considered as the main goal of a
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
 because they viewed
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
monetary
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 the key
for
Change preposition
to
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 developing not only specific
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 but the improvement of the
countries
Use synonyms
 as a whole. Take Africa,
for example
Linking Words
; they encountered
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various problems
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
financial
Correct pronoun usage
financial ones
show examples
. Many opponents of
this
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 idea might
opposed
Change the verb form
oppose
be opposed
show examples
 that other
dimension
Fix the agreement mistake
dimensions
show examples
besides
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financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 of the
countries
Use synonyms
 must pay attention to it as well. Education,
for example
Linking Words
, the heart of human resources is to cultivate
people
Use synonyms
 to
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 literate for
basic
Add an article
a basic
show examples
 standard of academic proficiency. A highly educated
peoples
Correct the article-noun agreement
people
show examples
 is the key
for
Change preposition
to
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 helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries
Use synonyms
 to become better as
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
 highly intellectual and often come up with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
strategic
Replace the word
strategies
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
improvements. Like China, they
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the education of its
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their
people
Use synonyms
 often gain rewards and help to develop their
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 to become one of the most powerful
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 in the world.
However
Linking Words
, I personally argue in favour of focusing
other
Change preposition
on other
show examples
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 aspects seeing that its importance
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no different from economics.
To simply
Change preposition
Simply
show examples
 explain, without
a healthy and highly educated citizens
Correct the article-noun agreement
healthy and highly educated citizens
a healthy and highly educated citizen
show examples
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 success of the country might not
be happened
Change to the active voice
happen
have happened
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the states, though it is claimed that the most powerful
countries
Use synonyms
 especially in terms of economic aspects, its criminal rates and slaughters
along with
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 discrimination toward interracial races
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
surge
Replace the word
surged
show examples
 dramatically throughout the centuries. In summary, it is undeniable that economics is crucial and often focused
from
Change preposition
on in
show examples
 many
countries
Use synonyms
, I am of the opinion that
others dimension
Fix the agreement mistake
other dimensions
show examples
 of
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
 progress
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 vital and should not be neglected in order to develop a peaceful community for the
people
Use synonyms
.

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logical structure
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with each one focusing on a single central idea will help. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
relevant specific examples
Including more specific examples and expanding on them can illustrate your points better. Consider using detailed scenarios to strengthen your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Small errors can distract the reader and impede understanding. Practice writing precise, varied sentence structures to improve clarity and readability.
introduction conclusion present
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the essay topic well.
complete response
You cover both sides of the argument which provides a balanced view on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
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