The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
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The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
the online market
sales
in fragments like
travel
, film and music, books and clothes in New Zealand in the years 2003 and 2013
Overall
, it is clear from the graph that
travel
and film with music had
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
proportion of
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online
sales
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each year. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, book
sales
showed increases,
while
sales
in
category
Correct article usage
the category
show examples
clothes decreased In 2003,
travel
sales
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
in first place at 36%,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
it
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
after
decade
Add an article
a decade
show examples
and reached approximately 30%.
Additionally
, film and music
sales
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
not
Rephrase
as siginificant
show examples
siginificant
Correct your spelling
significant
as
travel
sales
with just above 20%, but in 2013, it is made up exactly one-third and took
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
online
sales
.
In contrast
, books online
sales
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
lowest in 2003 with just under one-fifth and it presented
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
rise
afet
Correct your spelling
after
10 years and made up 22%.
Although
, clothes
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
the third
significant
Correct quantifier usage
most significant
show examples
figuer
Correct your spelling
figure
in 2003 at about
quarter
Correct article usage
a quarter
show examples
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased to 16% and made up
even
Correct article usage
an even
show examples
lower fraction than book
sales
in 2003.
Submitted by Kawasaki on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, travel with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comparative analysis
  • E-commerce
  • Retail sectors
  • Growth rate
  • Decade
  • Decline
  • Trends
  • Online transactions
  • Consumer behavior
  • Market share
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Digital era
  • Accessibility
  • User-friendly platform
  • Market dynamics
  • Predictive outlook
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