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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar charts show education data related to young adults aged 15 years old in 10 different countries in 2015. The first chart shows in which countries adolescents do the most homework in terms of the hours per week. The second chart shows the nations that scored the best on an international science test. Summarise the data by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts show education data related to young adults aged 15 years old in 10 different countries in 2015. The first chart shows in which countries adolescents do the most homework in terms of the hours per week. The second chart shows the nations that scored the best on an international science test. Summarise the data by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given graphs illustrate the time
with
Change preposition
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young adults spent on homework in 10 countries and the top science score
according to
Linking Words
 the International Standards in 2015. Surprisingly, the
hours
Use synonyms
 spent studying at home do not correlate with the results on later records of percentages achieved.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, in Italy teenagers are spending around 8.5
hours
Use synonyms
 on average per week,
however
Linking Words
, the Finish pupils are tending to receive the highest grade. It is very unusual as kinds in Finland are spending less time sitting with their books,
moreover
Linking Words
, they have a very good school and educational system that represents those brilliant results. In
the
Correct article usage
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countries,
such
Linking Words
 as China, Canada and Taiwan pupils are very successful based on scale,
therefore
Linking Words
 in Canada
for instance
Linking Words
 they tend to spend around 5.7
hours
Use synonyms
 per week studying.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Americans do their homework 6.1
hours
Use synonyms
 per week and receive the lowest score of 516, to compare with other countries. A very balanced stage in which Australian young adults in, they leave approximately 5.9
hours
Use synonyms
 of their time studying and
then
Linking Words
 get a 526 score, which places them in the middle statistically.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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