IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Older generation often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thoughts and behavior. Most people argue that it is not helpful for younger generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#generation #life #thoughts #behavior #people #generations
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There is a trend for
vast
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the vast
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 majority of
people
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 to hold an opinion that the previous generation usually
have ultra
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has
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 traditional thinking about how
people
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 should live and behave.
However
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, other
people
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 think that these ideas are not so useful to prepare new
generations
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 for modern life.
This
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 essay completely agrees with that statement, because old and young
generations
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 lived in different
time
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times
show examples
 with completely another
mentality
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mentalities
show examples
.
Moreover
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, over time, in our
world
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world,
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 there are changes in some rules that old
generations
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 do not recognize. First and foremost,
old
Correct article usage
the old
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Use synonyms
generations’
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generation’s
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 mentality
completely
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is completely
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 different from new
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generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
show examples
, and their beliefs about the world nowadays are not so relevant.
In other words
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, things that were normal
while
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 our parents or grandparents grew,
in
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up in
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21st
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the 21st
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 century are not normal or legal.
For instance
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, in
previous
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the previous
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 century
people
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 had different
approach
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approaches
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 to taking
exams
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, and all
exams
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 were taken on paper-based
variant
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variants
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.
However
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, in 2024 students have an opportunity to take
SAT
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the SAT
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 or IELST
exams
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 on laptops without any paper,
that
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which
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 has
positive
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a positive
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 effect on our ecology.
In addition
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, over time there are global updates in the rules, that every country should accept and introduce.
With
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In
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different
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other
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 words, some
action
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actions
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 that were allowed 60-70 years ago,
nowadays
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are nowadays
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 prohibited and in most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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countries
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countries,
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 there are some fines for
braking
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breaking
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 new rules.
For example
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, in
1960s
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the 1960s
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 smoking everywhere was normal,
people
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 could smoke even in public transport, restaurants and
while
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 doing their jobs. Today in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most places smoking
do
Verb problem
is
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 not allowed, and
for example
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 in Kazakhstan for smoking in public areas you must pay
fine
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a fine
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for
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of
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 5000 tenge. In conclusion, most traditional thoughts and beliefs usually contradict
with
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apply
show examples
modern realities. Changes in technology and social norms,
such
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 as smoking and taking digital
exams
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adds
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add
show examples
 more confluence that we need for adapting
Correct your spelling
outdated
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outdates
Correct your spelling
outdated
show examples
 beliefs
Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, some transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother. Try using more linking words or phrases to enhance the flow from one point to the next.
task achievement
You have addressed the essay prompt effectively, and your main points are well-reasoned and relevant. Nonetheless, try to diversify the vocabulary used and avoid repetition for a more polished response.
task achievement
Be cautious with grammatical errors and typos as they can sometimes detract from the overall clarity. Simple proofreading can enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a comprehensive response to the prompt, covering the aspects of technological advances and changes in social norms.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples such as the transition from paper-based exams to digital formats and the change in smoking regulations, which effectively illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs for each major point, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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