Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subject. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

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Some academic
students
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present the view that
to acquire
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acquiring
show examples
knowledge about other
areas
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as well as
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their main
subject
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is important,
whereas
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others believe
students
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should pay attention only to their main discipline. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that learning additional
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
give
students
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a good insight to combine their main discipline with other
areas
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. Nowadays, we live in a more complex world than past times. In order to get ready
better
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for better
show examples
and more efficient
in
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apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
jobs
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in
future
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,
students
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should know about other
areas
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that are related to more or less to their main
subject
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.
For instance
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,
these day
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this day
these days
show examples
, software developers must not only have knowledge and
skill
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skills
show examples
about
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in
show examples
programing
Correct your spelling
programming
show examples
but
also
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they should know how machinery
are
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is
show examples
operated and how operators manage their
jobs
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in order to develop
automations
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automation
that
work
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works
show examples
efficiently.
On the other hand
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, another group of people claim that a perfect qualification in one single
subject
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is crucial for the success of
students
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in
future
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. They insist that
students
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must pay all their attention and time to their main field of study in order to become
expert
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experts
show examples
. They believe that
Having
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having
show examples
Expertise in one main
subject
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is enough to be successful in
future
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. They exemplify scientists
such
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as Einstein who
dedicate
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dedicated
show examples
his life to physics and won a
noble
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nobel
show examples
prize.
However
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, I do not find
this
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argument convincing as
majority
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the majority
a majority
show examples
of
students
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need to engage with other
areas
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of science these days. In
future
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,
jobs
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and science are going to be extremely related to each other as even we can see a lot of Interdisciplinary majors in universities.
To conclude
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, in my view,
students
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should have wisdom in other fields too.
To be
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Being
show examples
familiar with other fields helps them to solve problems
easier
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more easily
show examples
and prosper in their
jobs
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.
Moreover
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, Interdisciplinary skills
opens
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open
show examples
the door to success.
Submitted by keyhan.mp on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to achieve higher coherence and cohesion. Additionally, ensure that transitional phrases are used to seamlessly connect ideas.
task achievement
While the arguments are clear, further elaboration and depth in explanations, as well as additional specific examples, would enhance the task response score. Try to develop each point more fully.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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