IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior? What do you think are the causes of this?

#countries #schools #student #behavior
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it is crystal clear that each country in the world faces serious issues with students during
academic
Add an article
the academic
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 year. There are necessary reasons
about
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 problem.
Fist
Correct your spelling
First
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 of all, students'
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 is changing every year. All parents and teachers should make a deal with
this
Linking Words
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
family's
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family
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 strategy is
really
Add an article
a really
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 significant topic.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 teachers approach
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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pupils attentively, family members should
get
Verb problem
apply
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communication
Replace the word
communicate
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 with school staff.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
The essay prompts the issue of student behavior and makes a general introduction. However, it would be more effective if it provided a clearer thesis statement outlining the main points to be discussed. Make sure to answer the question directly in your introduction.
task achievement
While the essay attempts to provide reasons for poor student behavior, it lacks depth and relevant specific examples. Try to expand on each point with more developed arguments and real-life examples or statistics.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, each paragraph should focus on a single main idea that is well-developed and supported with examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay is somewhat cohesive, but it can be improved by using more transitional phrases to connect ideas clearly. Make sure every main point is clearly linked to the previous one, and that there are clear links between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that paragraphs flow logically from one to the next. Including a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the thesis can help achieve this.
task achievement
The essay introduces an important issue relevant to many countries and indicates multiple factors.
task achievement
Effort has been made to address both roles of parents and teachers in managing student behavior, showing an attempt at a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental guidance
  • discipline
  • moral guidance
  • social media
  • detrimental
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • overcrowded
  • disengagement
  • disruptive behavior
  • behavioral policies
  • code of conduct
  • parental involvement
  • social and emotional learning (SEL)
  • empathy
  • responsible decisions
What to do next:
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