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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show changes of a cinema from 1980 until now. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show changes of a cinema from 1980 until now. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two plans illustrate
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of a
cinema
Use synonyms
 from 1980 to the present.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are some places unchanged like the entry, a ticket room, and toilets.
However
Linking Words
, a car park
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 removed and replaced by new
cinema
Use synonyms
 rooms. In 1980 , the
cinema
Use synonyms
buliding
Correct your spelling
building
 had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 car park along the south of the building, and
Use synonyms
cinema
Capitalize word
Cinema
show examples
 2 was located on the left
side
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cinema
Use synonyms
 1 in the northwest
side
Use synonyms
 ,
also
Linking Words
 ticket and drinks were situated on the northeast
side
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the main gate, ticket and toilets remain at the same place.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
present, the car park
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 removed and replaced by two cinemas (
cinema
Use synonyms
 3 in the right corner and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cinema
Use synonyms
 2 moved to the opposite
side
Use synonyms
).
Moreover
Linking Words
,
cinema
Use synonyms
 2 old place which is located on the right
side
Use synonyms
 was replaced
into
Change preposition
with
show examples
Use synonyms
cinema
Capitalize word
Cinema
show examples
 4 and they added
Use synonyms
cinema
Capitalize word
Cinema
show examples
 5 next to it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, on the northeast corner are built new
room
Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
show examples
 could relax room next to
Food
Correct article usage
the Food
show examples
 and drinks area.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the old place
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
drink
Add an article
the drink
show examples
 is replaced by
DVD
Correct article usage
a DVD
show examples
 shop.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, side with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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