Despite a large quantity of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?
Nowadays one of our
mean
Correct word choice
main
problem
is having Change to a plural noun
problems
large
number of gyms but Change the article
a large
the large
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
lifestyle
is gaining popularity in the world . And this
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
of
Change preposition
in
people
who don’t favor
Change the spelling
favour
gym
and people
have
problems with their mental health or just because they’re in Correct pronoun usage
who have
depression
.
Add an article
a depression
Reason
why we have Add an article
The reason
unhealthy
,sedentary Add an article
an unhealthy
lifestyle
For
instance
many Add a comma
instance,
people
haven’t opportunity do
exercise hard just because of not enough Correct your spelling
to
time
and money. However
a lot of people
busy
with work, children, Add a missing verb
are busy
housekeeping
Correct word choice
and housekeeping
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
of
not Change preposition
in
enough
Add a missing verb
having enough
time
for themselves.
Firstly
there are people
which
want Correct pronoun usage
who
having
Change the verb form
to have
good
Correct article usage
a good
lifestyle
they will found
Wrong verb form
find
time
for gym
. Add an article
the gym
For
example
he’s Add a comma
example,
teacher
at school,and he can do it with children and it’s Add an article
a teacher
one
of good idea Correct pronoun usage
apply
having
Change the verb form
to have
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
lifestyle
. Secondly
humans Add a comma
Secondly,
which
prefer Correct pronoun usage
who
gym
and sport Add a missing verb
are wasting
wasting
Replace the word
waste
of
Change preposition
apply
time
,its
not depend Replace the word
it's
it is
with
your Change preposition
on
lifestyle
.Especialy
Correct your spelling
Especially
of
there will Correct your spelling
if
got
health issues, cause of not enough physical activity.
My solution is development Change the verb form
get
be got
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
Fix the infinitive
to reduct
reduct
Correct your spelling
reduce
number
of gyms which paid, provide Correct article usage
the number
number
of free Change the article
a number
the number
gym
and offer Change to a plural noun
gyms
term
to Fix the agreement mistake
terms
people
which not prefer gym
.Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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task achievement
Your essay needs to better address the essay prompt. While you have identified some problems associated with sedentary lifestyles, your solutions are not sufficiently clear or practical. More relevant and practical solutions should be included.
task achievement
Essay ideas need to be more clearly explained and organized logically. For example, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details that directly relate to the task.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to help readers follow your argument, and ensure that each point naturally leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion. They should clearly outline the main points you will discuss and summarize key arguments effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more persuasive and gives stronger evidence of your points.
language
Use a variety of sentence structures and the correct grammar to improve readability. Review your essay for grammatical errors and work on fixing them.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the problems associated with sedentary lifestyles, such as mental health issues.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to provide solutions, which shows engagement with the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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