IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Despite a large quantity of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

2.0 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays one of our
mean
Correct word choice
main
show examples
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 is having
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of gyms but
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is gaining popularity in the world . And
this
Linking Words
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who don’t
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
gym
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 problems with their mental health or just because they’re in
depression
Add an article
a depression
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Reason
Add an article
The reason
show examples
 why we have
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
,sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
Body paragraph 2
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 haven’t opportunity
do
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 exercise hard just because of not enough
time
Use synonyms
 and money.
However
Linking Words
 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
show examples
 with work, children,
housekeeping
Correct word choice
and housekeeping
show examples
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 not
enough
Add a missing verb
having enough
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for themselves.
Body paragraph 3
Firstly
Linking Words
 there are
people
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 want
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 they will
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 he’s
teacher
Add an article
a teacher
show examples
 at school,and he can do it with children and it’s
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of good idea
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 humans
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
prefer
gym
Use synonyms
 and sport
Add a missing verb
are wasting
show examples
wasting
Replace the word
waste
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 ,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not depend
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
Especialy
Correct your spelling
Especially
of
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 there will
got
Change the verb form
get
be got
show examples
 health issues, cause of not enough physical activity.
Conclusion
My solution is development
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
Fix the infinitive
to reduct
show examples
reduct
Correct your spelling
reduce
show examples
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of gyms which paid, provide
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of free
Use synonyms
gym
Change to a plural noun
gyms
show examples
 and offer
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 to
people
Use synonyms
 which not prefer
Use synonyms
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your essay needs to better address the essay prompt. While you have identified some problems associated with sedentary lifestyles, your solutions are not sufficiently clear or practical. More relevant and practical solutions should be included.
task achievement
Essay ideas need to be more clearly explained and organized logically. For example, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details that directly relate to the task.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to help readers follow your argument, and ensure that each point naturally leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion. They should clearly outline the main points you will discuss and summarize key arguments effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more persuasive and gives stronger evidence of your points.
language
Use a variety of sentence structures and the correct grammar to improve readability. Review your essay for grammatical errors and work on fixing them.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the problems associated with sedentary lifestyles, such as mental health issues.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to provide solutions, which shows engagement with the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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