These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children’s behavior. Do you agree or disagree?
Recently the
evidences
of crime and abuse have been increased, Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
hence
Correct your spelling
these
those
theose
have a negative impact on Correct your spelling
these
children
's behaviour, in this
essay
I shall discuss my point of view Add a comma
essay,
according
Add the preposition
according to
this
subject, also
I shall give my opinion
Firstly
, I will speak in general about the children
attitude, because Change noun form
children's
of
they Change preposition
apply
are look
like a sponge, Change the verb form
look
while
absorb
the actions Change the verb form
absorbing
from
the other , Change preposition
of
also
they have the
curiosity in love the reputation; Correct article usage
apply
therefore
, the role module should be a good person, this
is the reason why the parents should take care of their children
and avoide
them from seeing the violence on the t.v.
Correct your spelling
avoid
On the other hand
, this
action will be affected
Wrong verb form
affect
on
the mentality of the growing kid , Change preposition
apply
moreover
It may Add a comma
moreover,
get
them Verb problem
cause
a
trauma , Correct article usage
apply
although
if the scenario was
very old , Wrong verb form
is
children
are having
a good and strong memory; Wrong verb form
have
therefore
they are able to reback the scenario very easily; therefore
, I wholeheartedly agree with the phrase ( this
violence on social media has a negative impact on the behaviour of the growing kids)
To sum up
, children
are a green branch , which is easy to bend and getting
a new formation, by the effect of the environment, they could Wrong verb form
get
be acquired
Wrong verb form
acquire
the
positive and negative behaviours, that Correct article usage
apply
why
, parents should have a good responsibility for Add a missing verb
is why
rasing
a child.Correct your spelling
raising
becouse
of the child environment will affect Correct your spelling
because
also
on child personality.Submitted by sarah.baghdad20 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. For instance, while you’ve shared your opinion and discussed your point of view, you could delve deeper into providing more concrete examples and elaborating your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay structure more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and transitions between ideas should be smooth. Use linking phrases more often to improve the flow. For example, phrases like ‘In addition to this’, ‘Furthermore’, or ‘On the contrary’ can help to link your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure that all your paragraphs support the main argument clearly and concisely. The argument should be logical and each point should be clearly explained and connected to the main topic.
task response
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. This makes the argument more compelling and demonstrates your ability to apply ideas to real-life scenarios or hypothetical examples.
task response
Pay attention to some language inaccuracies that can affect clarity. These include misspellings (‘evidences’ instead of ‘evidence’, ‘module’ instead of ‘model’), grammar issues (like subject-verb agreement), and inappropriate word choices.
introduction conclusion present
You’ve successfully started with an introduction that provides a clear stance on the issue.
logical structure
The essay does cover multiple aspects of the problem of violence on television affecting children, which shows a good range of thought.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!