IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
alot
Correct your spelling
A lot
 of
people
 join university for academic study but the
lack
 of qualified
workers
such
 as electricians and plumbers need some
people
 to do vocational training.Well, I totally agree with
this
 statement because that will offer
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of job
chanses
Correct your spelling
chances
changes
 and will find
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of hidden working abilities. on the one hand,
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of academic
fileds
Correct your spelling
fields
 have been crowded through the years because there are a small number of
people
 who want to do vocational training.
Moreover
,there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a
lack
 of qualified
workers
such
 as electricians and plumbers and
people
 in
this
field
 are required so
as a result
 of that we should
encourag
Correct your spelling
encourage
people
 to do vocational training and
that is
 going to provide a solution for the
lack
 of qualified
workers
 .
Moreover
,that will not only enhance the working aid but
also
 will offer
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of job chances for
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
people
 because vocational training is easy to
be learned
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 and there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 already a
lack
 on the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers
 in
this
field
.
On the other hand
, there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
people
 who find
this
filed
Correct your spelling
field
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
secondery
Correct your spelling
secondary
field
 and they believe it
dosent
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 have any future in
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 fields.
In addition
,there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of abilities that are hidden and haven't
discovered
Add a missing verb
been discovered
show examples
 yet in
this
field
 and
encourag
Correct your spelling
encouraging
people
 to do vocational training will give us the opportunity to find
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of hidden abilities
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
field
.
In addition
,
people
 who want to join university for academic study have the opportunity to learn the basics of vocational training and that will help them to do
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of basic things in their daily life
such
 as houses working
for example
 fixing unworking lights. To
coclude
Correct your spelling
conclude
 we can say that,
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
people
 to do vocational training and
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to university for academic study
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a huge impact on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 quality of life.
Submitted by yousefreyad55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity
Try to avoid repetition of points as it affects clarity. Instead of saying the same point multiple times, expand on it with more specific details or examples.
structure
Develop paragraph structure further by ensuring each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details and examples.
grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors. Small mistakes can make your writing harder to understand.
task response
You have a clear understanding of the topic, and you made relevant points about the importance of vocational training.
coherence
The essay maintains a logical progression of ideas, first discussing the main issue and then countering potential objections.
coherence
You used transitional phrases effectively to connect different parts of your essay, which enhances the overall flow and readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
What to do next:
Look at other essays: